The Tattling Witch

So, I have been taking these child care classes at night.  They have been going pretty well.  I have learned a lot so far.  My teacher, Ms. Liz, is full of neat teaching techniques and ideas.  Every once in while she will share some sort of idea or theory that strikes my attention about problems that I have at home with my own three kids.  About a month ago she started talking about how to deal with tattle tales.  Well, I have three of the biggest tattle tales in the South living in my house (four if you count me).  Anyway, I was all ears. 

Ms. Liz explained that tattling is usually done to get attention so you have to get to the root of the problem.  Don't give the tattler any attention when they tattle.  You simply designate some sort of inanimate object for the children to take their tattles to.  She said she had actually seen the exercise played out with a stuffed turtle.  The children had to take their tattles to the "Tattling Turtle".  After a few times the children grew tired of talking to an unresponsive stuffed animal and gave up tattling all together.  It was either the most genius or most ridiculous things I had ever heard. 

A trial run would be the only way to tell.  I couldn't wait to try it out on the kids.  As soon as we all got in the car together, the next afternoon after school, the tattles started.  I smiled to myself and calmly stated, "Everyone save those tattles.  I have something special at home to show you."  The kids got quiet and looked around at each other.  They were quite puzzled.  I refused to divulge any more information until we got home.

When we got to the house, I ran in before them and grabbed the stuffed witch Ms. Liz had given me for Halloween.  They had not seen it before and so I introduced her like this, "Hey, kids.  I want to introduce you to someone.  This is the “Tattling Witch”.  She has come here to relieve me of my tattle listening duties.  From now on when you have a tattle you will go to her and spill your little guts out.  She will be glad to listen.  That means I will no longer be taking any tattles, from anyone, from now on.  Understand?" 

Caleb's eyebrows furrowed.  He looked confused.  Caitlyn laughed hysterically.  Austin rolled his eyes and said, "Mom, that is the stupidest thing I ever heard.  I know what you are doing and it's not going to work." 

I raised my eyebrows in a matter of fact way and responded, " Oh, I'm sorry Austin but all complaints must be taken to the tattling witch also."  Boy was I smart!  I was so pleased with myself. 

The kids sat in a stupor for about three minutes and then life went on as usual for about an hour.  Jevon worked late that night and so it was just the kids and I who sat down for dinner.  That's when it all started. 

I heard Caleb and Caitlyn starting to argue as we sat down to our plates.  Caitlyn immediately turned to me and squealed, "MOM!  Caleb is..." 

But I quickly shut that show down,  "Uh-uh-uh."  I stuck my hand up in "talk to the hand" pose and said, "You know where to take that tattle don't you?  Remember I am retired."  I pointed to the witch manning her post on the end table. 

Caitlyn's lip curled up and her shoulders slumped as she looked at me to see how serious I really was.  I turned my head and made a shooing motion with me hand.  She slid out of her chair with a thud and walked very slowly to the witch.  I couldn't hear what she was saying (which was the whole point of the drill) but I could hear the all too familiar "tattle-tone" of her words as they whined out of her. 

She tattled for a good while.  Then she stopped and stared at the witch.  Nothing happened.  She leaned in.  Still nothing.  She turned her head and put her ear so close to the witch’s mouth that I think they were touching.  She sat that way for about 30 seconds.  Then to my surprise, a smile began to grow on Caitlyn's face.  It grew into a giggle and then she shook her head in agreement to something.  She raced back to the table and plopped down in her seat. 

I couldn't help but think that, in fact, Ms. Liz was a genius.  Thank you Ms. Liz!  I looked at Caitlyn and asked, "So, how did it go, Squirrel?" 

She stated in a very uppity tone, "Well, I told the tattling witch about Caleb and she said that it wasn't that big of a deal.  I should just ignore him.  So I will." 

Man, this was going even better that I could have imagined.  Caleb looked irritated but he refrained from comment and continued eating.  After about five minutes the two were at it again.  This time Caleb yelled, "MOM!  Caitlyn won't stop...." 

I threw my hand up quick,  "Uh-uh-uh!  You know where to go, dude." 

The look of disgust on his face was priceless.  "But Mom, I don't want to...."  I threw my hand up again and shooed him to the witch.  He looked around the table as if he were looking for someone to save him from a walk to the plank.  Austin's head was down hiding his laughter and Caitlyn just smiled a snotty "Ha ha" smile at him.  He grimaced as he stomped to the witch.  To my surprise the same scenario played out again.  Tattle, tattle, tattle.....listen....lean in.....smile.....and back to the table he trotted.   As he sat down he was still smiling. 

Caitlyn was visibly distraught, however.  "What did you say to her?"  she demanded. 

"I just told her what you did to me.  She said it wasn't very nice of you." 

Caitlyn's mouth dropped open and she threw herself out of her chair.  This time she ran to the witch.  She talked, listened, grinned and sauntered back to the table.  As she sat down she shot a hot look Caleb's way and said, "By the way, Caleb... I just talked to the tattling witch and she said you are silly and she doesn't want to talk to you ever ever again, because she doesn't like your voice!" 

Caleb was outraged.  His mouth dropped.  Austin is still covering his snickers.  Caleb flies down from the table.  He races to the witch.  When he gets back he announces, "Guess what Caitlyn, the witch just told me that she doesn't want to be your friend anymore.  She never wants to see you again.  Ever!  Ever!" 

Caitlyn gasps.  This time they stare at each other, daring the other one to get down.  At this point I am questioning Ms. Liz's qualifications for teaching child care.  My dreams were shattering before me.  They were both squatted in their chairs, ready to run to the witch. 

I made a last ditch effort to diffuse the situation that was playing out, AT DINNER mind you.  I said, "Alright, that's enough..."  And with that they were off.  Neck and neck the whole way across the living room to the witch.  They were screaming about each other to her.  The whole time they were clawing at each other to get to her first.  This time I raced to the witch and pulled them both off of each other by their collars. 

As I sat them in their chairs I explained that the rest of dinner would be eaten in silence.  That's when Austin finally chimed in, "Well Mom, you tried.  But I told you it was a stupid idea." 

All I could do was sigh in defeat.  After dinner I took a bath and tried to wash away my disappointment.  When I got out, I found Caitlyn sitting in the kitchen with her Halloween bag.  Half of her candy was shoved in her mouth and she was having difficulty chewing it all. 

I was shocked!  She knows she has to ask to eat sweets and she always does.  This wasn't like her.  I said sternly, "Caitlyn, just what in the world do you think you are doing?  You did not ask Mommy if you could eat candy.  You know better!  Spit all of that out, now." 

With her mouth still full I could barely understand her as she said, "Remember Mom?  The witch is the boss now.  I asked her and she said I could eat as much as I wanted!  I love that witch!"

Amber