Bigfoot Christmas

When we went to Seattle in 2016 I took pictures of any Bigfoot statues or displays we came across.  I wanted to share them with Randy, our resident Bigfoot fanatic.  Apparently the family that lives there got the impression I was really interested in Bigfoot too.  Guess what I got for Christmas this year...

Bigfoot Coffee, a Bigfoot coffee-mug and some Seattle Bigfoot Poop.  That last item is supposed to be chocolate-covered peanuts, but I'm not going to be the first one to take a bite.  I've played too many tricks on my sisters to fall for that.

I guess you could say Bigfoot left his footprints on my Christmas this year.

Posted by Clyde

Randy in Drag

Can't decide whether Randy in drag looks more like Mrs Doubtfire, or Bea Arthur from the Golden Girls.  We may have to have a vote.

Blame Amber for this one.

A Christmas Birthday

Found this online and thought it might fit someone on the StalkerClan (with very minor alterations.)

25 REASONS IT SUCKS TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY

1. The Christmas Day you are born, your parents consider you a special gift from Santa, and ponder naming you Noelle, Holly, Joy, Eve or Carol. You almost became “Noelle” – until your parents let your older brother give you a boy's name.
2. Some how, years later, that day you were once considered a special gift from Santa, turns into “that day you ruined your mom’s Christmas” (at least jokingly). After all, it’s your fault she ended up in hospital on Christmas Day, and your arrival made her miss a delicious turkey dinner.
3. Speaking of turkey, you are almost guaranteed to eat turkey on your birthday every year…for the rest of your life.
4. When you become a mom, you will spend your remaining birthdays cooking that turkey for everyone else.
5. On the topic of food – you can forget about your kids ever making you breakfast in bed on your Christmas Birthday. They will be too busy sitting beside the Christmas tree opening their Christmas presents.
6. Everyone tells you how great it must be to be born on Christmas Day! Ya. No.
7. You receive a lot of two-fer’s on December 25th. What’s a two-fer? A 2-for-1. Two presents rolled into one. A combo. Also known as a “Birthmas present”.
8. Speaking of combos, your birthday card (if you actually receive one) almost always mentions your “Christmas Birthday”. No funny cards for you. Your cards are full of snowy scenes, Santa, and Christmas decorations.
9. What’s worse? When you receive a Christmas card containing the handwritten words “oh by the way – Happy Birthday too!”
10. Your birthday gets lost in the excitement of everyone else’s Christmas. A quick birthday greeting, then – let the Christmas celebrations commence!
11. When you complain about your birthday getting lost in the Christmas festivities, people suggest you should celebrate your birthday on June 25th instead. Really? This is NOT helpful.
12. Your siblings also get presents on YOUR birthday.
13. You receive cheap birthday presents – everyone is broke by the time they finally get around to remembering they also need to buy you a birthday present.
14. The birthday gifts you do receive are wrapped in Christmas gift wrap.
15. Birthday gifts are often Christmas decorations for your home.
16. Any clothing you receive as a gift on your Christmas Birthday is often red or green…or both.
17. You never get to have an actual party on your birthday. No one is around to invite to your party – they have already left on their Christmas vacation.
18. Everything is always closed on your birthday.
19. You can’t take advantage of those “birthday freebies” – because everything is closed.
20. Your birthday cakes are always  “day olds”. Either bought the day before, or made the day before.
21. You miss out on the free lunch and birthday cake at work.
22. You pick another day during December to celebrate your birthday, only to find everyone is busy attending holiday parties.
23. You share your birthday with Baby Jesus – someone many people consider far more important than yourself. You’re also in constant competition with that jolly old elf, St. Nick.
24. You spend the month of December hearing everyone else speak of their plans for December 25th with nary a mention of your birthday.
25. You long for a “green” birthday once in a while, while everyone else is longing for their white Christmas.

Posted by Clyde

Sock vs Sack

I received a text last night and almost died laughing. It was so simple, but so Aunt Meaner.

Text between Crystal and Aunt Meaner:
      Aunt Meaner: How are you?
      Crystal: OK! Are you doing OK?
      Aunt Meaner: I'm fine. The only difference between a sock and a sack is the second letter.
      Crystal: So true lol!

Now, I read this and just burst out laughing out loud. All alone it is funny, but when you know the true meaning and thought pattern that goes with it, it is hilarious.

When we were children, my favorite thing to do at Christmas time was to hang my sock up over the fire place. It was the biggest thrill of all for me. Now in the beginning, we would take one of our regular socks and hang it up, but as the years went by, we became more creative. We tried to figure out how to come up with bigger types of socks to put up. I remember one year we tried to put up Mom's hose. That was a disaster. The weight of the fruit and candy caused the stocking to stretch almost to the floor and it looked so..... strange.  Weird, I suppose would be a better word for it. And for some reason, there didn't seem to be anymore in that socking than would have been in a sock. Strange thing how that was. 

Then there was the year Clyde was laid up in the bed with his elbows and knees all torn up from football. He played the pity party for all it was worth that year. He decided to put up an orange sack....Sack vs Sock.....And to this day, I do not know why Santa filled that sack up and just gave us the same or less than the usual amount. 

I have my theories. 

Theory number 1. Santa saw him and felt sorry for him.....I don't think so. Santa had been watching him all year and knew how mean he was to us girls... so that theory went out the window pretty quick. 

Theory number 2. Mom felt sorry for him and because he was her "baby boy" gave him more. 

Theory number 3. Mom, in all her years with Clyde, knew he would eat all the Christmas dinner the next day and hoped if she gave him more, he would be full and let us have some of the dinner, especially the cake. I thought about this one and decided that it didn't matter if he had placed a wheel barrow in place of a sock, he would still be able to eat all the food. 

Then there is theory number 4. The one I place the most common sense in....That after Santa, aka Mom, filled the socks, someone's knees got well enough for them to hobble over to the fire place and remove goodies from our sOcks to his sAck. 

Yes, I do believe in Greedy Guts (what Mom used to call us when we ate to much). So, if any of you have any other theories, please feel free to fill me in and I will be happy to look back on old times and enjoy the crazy Christmases we all loved.

Posted by Jeffery

Friday's Fun Foto #23

I still haven't figured out how Jeffery was able to put up three sets of rabbit ears in this photo.

Stalker Physics (Reprint)

(It may be due in part to my PseudoBulbar Affect (PBA) but this old story always leaves me laughing uncontrollably. - Clyde)

While Mom and Dad were visiting me a couple of weeks ago, Sherry called to say that her truck wouldn’t start. The battery was dead in my portable phone so Mom came to the phone to relay messages to Dad who was sacked out in the lounge chair. It went something like this:

Mom: Oot, Sherry’s truck won’t start.
Dad:   What’s wrong with it?
Mom: What’s wrong with it Sherry? She says it’s out of oil.
Dad:   Why does she think that?
Mom: Why do you think that Sherry? When she turns the key a light comes on that says Oil.
Dad:   #&*#& That light always comes on when you turn the key. What else is it doing?
Mom: What else is it doing Sherry? Another light comes on that says Seat Belt.
Dad:   #$**%# That always come on too. Is it rolling over?
Mom: Is it rolling over Sherry? She says 'No, it's still sitting on its tires.'
Dad:   #&@*# Is the motor rolling over?
Mom: Is the motor rolling over? She says she will have to raise the hood to see.
Dad:   God No!!! Is it trying to start?
Mom: Is it trying to start Sherry? She is turning the key just like she always does, maybe even harder.
Dad:   #&@*# Is the #&@*# truck trying to start?
Mom: (By now Sherry can hear Dad from across the room.) She says “How would she know if it's trying or not?”
Dad:   #&@*# Is it making a noise, a clicking sound?

This went on for quite a while. I left the room so I could roll in the floor without interrupting anything. But then I got to thinking about that old physics conundrum “What happens when an irresistible force comes in contact with an unmovable object?”

My curiosity got the best of me.

Would Dad (immovable object) get mad enough (irresistible force) to get out of the lounge chair to scream at Sherry on the phone?

Would Sherry (irresistible force) give up on getting the truck (immovable object) started so she could go to Rite Aide?

As unlikely as either possibility seemed, much to my amazement an even more unlikely scenario played out right in front of my eyes. Mom said “I guess you’ll just have to take the Camry. Be careful.” Is this a new and improved Stepford Grandma who will let her car leave home without her?

Posted by Luci

UNFAIR Treatment

I don't think it's FAIR that poor little Sophia gets called out for flashing a couple of gang signs...

...when Grandma Jeff has been flashing signs for that Rabbit Ears Gang forever. 

It's just not FAIR for a good girl to be treated that way.

Images stolen from Facebook and Instagram
Posted by Clyde

Silly Sunday Sketches - Bryan Water Skis

Bryan was smart enough to not get on that infernal Ski Biscuit, but his attempt to water ski was almost as dangerous.

That looks like my handwriting.  I may be the guilty party who penned this sketch.  Sorry Bryan.

Posted by Clyde

Friday's Fun Foto #22

This photo needs to accompany a classic story that has disappeared from the StalkerClan.

Here is the missing story...

“Baywatch - The Original”

Clyde, Jennie, Bryan, Donald and Matt went to visit the Ratliff bunch with Luci, Ted, and Chris. Mark Bradley invited us to go to a lake somewhere in northern Florida for the day. The water there was crystal clear. You could see the bottom all the way across the lake.

There were several very tall slides in the middle of the lake and the big guys immediately went to try them out. Luci stayed on the bank with Chris, Matt and Mark’s son. The first few times the guys came down the slides they came in a sitting position. Some of the other guys there were coming down on their stomachs and headfirst. They would torpedo across the lake when they hit the surface. Clyde decided to try it.

He came down and sure enough torpedoed across the lake. But then, there he was struggling in the water. Luci, on the bank, thought he was drowning and screamed for the lifeguards to save him. They swam toward Clyde but then turned back. Luci kept screaming “My brother is drowning!!!! Please save him!!!! What’s wrong with you all?!?!?”

She was later advised that Clyde had caught his swimming trunks with his toes while gliding across the lake. He was trying to discretely put them back on.

Penned by Luci

Grandma Angeline's Birthday

Today, December 12th, is Grandma Angeline's birthday...

I think this old photo is probably from a visit to her in Michigan.

Posted by Clyde

Silly Sunday Sketches - Another Ski-Biscuit Victim

Despite all the warnings I gave about how dangerous, even deadly, that Ski-Biscuit could be, it claimed several more victims.

At least his toes are pointing the right way, I think.

Posted by Clyde

Four Pennies

Oh No!  Those four pennies are missing...

I'm Ruined !

Photos from Jeff

The story of the Four Pennies is not available on the StalkerClan today.  It was lost when the old Zoomshare site shut down.  It is recorded on Page 112 of the first StalkerClan Book - "Remember When". It's worth repeating again...

Dad and Randy just about killed me and Clyde today with one of their many conversations, but in order for you all to get it, I must tell a few old stories first.

Last year when Randy and I were up visiting Mom and Dad, We used Dad's bathroom while we were there and the whole time there were these four pennies sitting on the table in his bathroom. Now Randy can not stand to see change laying around. If I leave change out, he always picks it up and puts it in his pocket. Well needless to say these four pennies had just about put him over the deep end. On the last day we were there, he looked at me and asked, "Honey, these pennies have been sitting here all week, do you think they belong to anyone? I hate to see change just laying around."

"I don't know. I don't think anyone would care about four pennies anyway."

He picks them up and puts them in his pocket. Neither one of us gave it a thought until we got home and Dad called to see if we made it. We talked for a few minutes and then he asked, "Did you or Randy happen to see the four pennies I had sitting on that table in my bathroom?"

I was speechless. I looked over at unsuspecting Randy and repeated to him what Dad had just asked me, "Randy, Dad wants to know if we saw the four pennies he had sitting on his table in his bathroom?"

The look on his face was priceless. He had been busted by Ottie. What was he going to do now that his reputation was fixing to go down the Ottie drain. He stuttered around for a moment or two and the confession spewed from his lips, "I am so sorry Papaw. I didn't think they belonged to anyone. I, I, I,..."

The squirrels in his head had stopped moving altogether. He was in big doo-doo.  How could this be happening to him. He was an honest man and now he would be branded a thief over four pennies. Dad had really put it on him. I laughed so hard, I thought I was going to have to put on one of Emily's diapers.

Well, now every time Dad sees Randy he wants him to pay for everything he buys to make up for the four pennies he stole off of him. Randy will never be able to get over that trick played on him.

Written by Jeffery

Meaner's Memory

I learned long ago not to question Sherry's memory when it comes to dates.  She has everyone's birthday, anniversary and other significant dates memorized.  

In a moment of weakness yesterday I wondered about her report that Wednesday would have been Joe and Wanda's 60th wedding anniversary.  I thought that I was older than nine when they got married.  I should have known better than to doubt the Meaner's Memory...

Dec. 5th. 1958, as documented by the Commonwealth of Virginia, was the day Joe and Wanda went to Clintwood and were married.  Exactly 60 years ago Wednesday.  

It wasn't long after they were married that I discovered how delicious pineapple upside-down cake tasted.  It was on a Sunday, March 8th, 1959 at about 1:25 in the afternoon. It was in Grandma Rachel's kitchen and I was sitting in the chair nearest the door to the back porch. (My memory works a little bit like Sherry's, just different priorities.)

Posted by Clyde

Double Anniversary

Sherry tells me that December 5th was also Joe and Wanda Looney's wedding anniversary.  This year would have been their 60th.

152nd Anniversary

The genealogy software I use sent me a notification today letting me know that...

Today is the wedding anniversary of Milton Smith and Mary Magdalena Edmonds, your 2nd great grandparents.  It is the 152nd anniversary of their marriage.

They were married on December 5, 1866.  

PS 

Who wants the large framed photo of Milton & Maggie that Mom had hanging in her bedroom?  I really don't have a good place for it and would hate to see it lost if we have another flood.

Posted by Clyde

Jennie's Cranberry Salad (RED STUFF)

      QUAN    UNIT                 INGREDIENT

            1          6 oz                  Cherry or Cranberry Jello

            1          Cup                  Water ( or Pineapple Juice that was drained off pineapple)

            1          Cup                  7-Up

            1          Can                  Whole Cranberry Sauce

            1          Lg Can            Crushed Pineapple - Drained

            2          Cups                Chopped Apple

            ¼         Cup                  Chopped Nuts

PREPARATION

Heat water (or Pineapple Juice) to boiling.  Dissolve Jello – Cool.

Add 7-Up.  Chill until thicken.  Add remaining ingredients.  Chill.

TOPPING

            1          8 oz                  Cream Cheese

            1          Cup                  Powdered Sugar

            1          Container         Cool Whip

Mix together.  Spread over Cranberry Mixture.

Requested by Jeffery

Posted by Clyde

My Best Birthday

Found this photo of me in Moma's Box of Memories.  

This is from 1950, probably about the time of my first birthday.  I had two good birthdays, but not long after my second those little sisters started arriving.  That's when the trouble began.

Interesting to see I had that "Sittin' Around, Layin' Around" thing mastered already.  Mom always said I was a fast learner.

Posted by Clyde