Grown-Up Rugrats ?

 Here are a couple more Rugrats that are grown-up now, or maybe they just think they are.

This Stalkerclan post from 2005 goes back even farther.

Florida Girls

A promo for a new show on Pop-TV caught our attention today.

I looked over at Jennie when it ended and said, "Oh my Lord!  They've made a movie about Jeffery's girls."

Jennie laughed and said, "I knew you were going to say that about the Guinea Girls."

A Grateful and Blessed Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINDY

   Then...

and Now ...

I'm not sure...is Mindy the one who feels "Grateful & Blessed" or are we the ones who should feel "Grateful & Blessed" to know her?  Both maybe?  Too complicated for my simple mind.

Posted by Clyde

Big Sisters!

Yesterday was the first day for Emily and Blair to spend the whole day at day care.  We have to pack a lunch each day.  Randy and I spent part of our Sunday evening getting their lunches ready.  I have an igloo cooler and thought it would be perfect to pack both lunches in. WRONG!

We packed two bags of Blair's favorite Bar-B-Q chips, two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, two yogurts, two Ziploc bags of cucumbers (they both love cucumbers), two pieces of homemade cake, and two large bottles of water.  We were so pleased with our well thought out lunches.  They would really enjoy what we had packed.

When I went to picked them up, I was met by Blair.  He had a very stern look on his face.  I knew things were just not right in his world.

Grandmother:   Hey guys. You ready to go?

Blair:   Grandma, I need to tell you something important. Emily gave my BAR-B-Q Chips away, and I really wanted them Bad!

Tears are now streaming down his face and he is not going to be consoled.  He is downright, outright, infuriated by the blatant  injustice that has befallen him at the hands of his now ‘Traitor’ of a sister.

Grandmother:   Blair we can discuses this in the car? Okay?

Blair:  No Grandma.  You don't understand.  She gave my BAR-B-Q Chips away to that girl.

Grandmother:   Okay Blair.  I do understand, but we will talk about this in the car!

Tears are still flowing and his look that could kill is directed at his sister.  We get in the car.  Blair is now ready to let loose on his sister.

Blair:  You gave my BAR-B-Q chips to that girl and I wanted them. You are mean!

Grandmother:  Emily, did you do that?

Emily:    Yes.

Grandmother:  Why did you to that to him Emmy?

Emily:  Well grandma, that girl gave me something and I had to give her something to replace it.

Blair:   MY CHIPS !

Grandmother:   Why didn't you give her your chips?

Emily:   Because I wanted them. I was hungry!

Grandmother:  Emily, you know that was wrong.  Blair loves those chips and you should not have given them away.

Emily:  Well Grandma, he had cucumbers.  He should have ate them!

Blair:   I wanted my chips and you gave them away.

Tears! Tears! and more Tears!

Grandmother: Emily don't  you ever do that again.  You give you own stuff away. Not your brothers.

Emily:  Okay.

I can hear Blair sniffling in the back seat.  I think things are going to get a little calmer now. NOT!  All of a sudden the tears are back in full force as Blair has another flash back of the day.

Blair:  Grandma, she ate all my yogurt too! She ate all my stuff.  She is so mean.  I hate her!

Grandmother:  No, you do not hate her. Emily, did you do that?

Emily:  Yes, Grandma.  I was hungry and you know I love that yogurt.

Blair:  I love it too, Emily. You are so stupid.

Grandmother:  Blair, no name calling.  Emily you should not have ate his stuff.  How would you feel it that had been done to you?

Emily:    I wouldn't care.  He should have ate his cucumbers!

What a dilemma!  We can no longer use one box for their lunches.   One of them has papaw's two stomachs, and the other will starve if left to the mercy of the other.  Needless to say after all was said and done, they were both laughing and playing in the back seat as though nothing had ever happened.

Grandmother Jeff

West Virginia Invasion Underway

It appears the annual Ratliff Family invasion of West Virginia has gotten on the road.

Looks like Jeff is doing her usual good job of keeping an eye on the kids and making sure everyone stays safe.

Have the Emergency Rooms in West Virginia been alerted yet?

Photos from Traci via Facebook

Confucius Says

I grabbed this from Facebook a few days ago  – Clyde

Mindy Ratliff-Isgette OK, Ya know how Confucius Says ?  Well I got a new one… Emily Says... "I don’t like the letter Q.  All it is, is an O tryin’ to be all fancy, with its little tail and all."

Emily Lou’s Sixth Birthday

( I can’t believe it has been six years already since this story was posted on the Old StalkerClan. )

---

Here are the photo's everyone has been waiting on......

---

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

---

In the most recent photo I can find of her, it looks like she has grown a little…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY LOU

I’m Ruined !

(I haven’t been on the clan in a while, but I just couldn’t let this classic story go untold.  I know this will be one of the all-time greats. Might even make the cover of Clyde’s next book.)

One day a few weeks ago, the school called me and said that Emily had an earache, no fever, just pain.  I decided it would be best to go during my one-hour lunch break and get her some pain reliever to get

her through the day and, after work, take her to the doctor.  While I was at CVS picking up the pain reliever, I grabbed a bag of miniature chocolate bars.  I knew lunch was out of the question and the chocolate bars would help me get through the afternoon.

At school, I ran into Troy, a friend who was working at my house. We talked a little and then I went on in to give Emily her medicine.  After that, I went to get my taxes done.  Too much to do in one hour.  So, as I was getting out of my car, I grabbed the open bag of candy bars and went back to work.

After work, Randy met me at the office and said he wanted to go with me to take Emily to see the doctor.  I informed him that I also needed to go pick up some paper goods for a family who had just lost a loved one. He came up with a great plan.  He would drop me off at the doctor, and then he would run to Wal-Mart and get the paper goods.  Sounded good to me.

After the visit with the doctor, Emily, Blair and I sat on the bench waiting for Granddad.  He pulled up and we hopped in.  Immediately he held up his arm and showed me a very large brown streak he had on it.  I looked at it and laughed.  It looked like crap.  He quickly said, “I know what you are thinking and you are wrong. It is chocolate.  I know because I smelled of it. Do you have anything I can wipe it off with?”

Now I still had not figured it out.  I got out and fished the Wet Ones out of the trunk and cleaned him up.  All the while he is going on about how he must have gotten it at Wal-Mart.  But where in Wal-Mart? Was it the shopping cart?  Just where did he get it?  The mystery of where it came from was on.
Now that we were all back in the car, and everyone was very hungry, Granddad made a great suggestion, “Let’s all go to Corky Bell’s.”  His favorite place to eat seafood. 

We all agreed and off we went.  We got THE TALK about being good, using our manners, sitting still in our seats, and not talking too loud.  And every once in a while he would get in a, “I still can’t figure out how I got that chocolate on me.”

We arrived at Corky Bell’s and walked inside.  The children and I were in front and we walked on back to our seats.  I turned to see Randy, but he was not behind me.  I looked back at the door and I could see that he was going towards the restrooms.  No big deal, we would just wait for him.

Ten minutes later he comes and sits down in his seat.  His face has this look of pure mortification on it.  It is hard to explain just how mortified he looked.  I asked him what was wrong?

He looked at me and said, in a voice that sounded as though he could not believe what had just happened to him, “You won’t believe this.  The waitress tapped me on the shoulder and said,  ‘Sir, I think you need to know that you have a candy bar stuck to your butt.”

The children and I could not contain our laughter. Not only were we loud, but we could not sit still. Our whole bodies shook.  This was just too much!

Again he went over in his mind, just where in Wal-mart did he get this on him. Then he let the one thing out that ruined my day, “And you know what? It still had the wrapper on it.”

I could not resist, “What kind of candy bar was it, honey?”

“You know, the little miniature ones.”

At that very moment, my life flashed before me.  I knew what had happened. One of my candy bars had dropped out in my seat and set in my hot car all afternoon.  Now I was ruined for sure.  I said nothing.  Just sat and listened as my poor husband tried to figure out where on earth in Wal mart did he get a candy bar on his butt?

Needless to say, his food did not taste good and he wanted to get home ASAP.  As we were getting out of the car at the post office, so that he could get back in his and drive it home, I heard him say one more time, “Where in Wal-mart?”

I looked him in the eyes, knowing we would be in separate cars for a few minutes,  and mustered up all the bravery I had in me and said,  “Baby you best stop worrying about where you got the candy bar.  If you find out, you might hurt someone you love!”

“I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT HAD TO BE YOU! “

About this time I crawled into my car and drove away, praying that he would be over it by the time we got home.

The next morning I got up, went into the kitchen and poured us a cup of coffee.  I walked into the bedroom to see my husband with his hands on his hips.  A light bulb must have gone off in his head and he looked at me and said, “I just thought about something!  I went all the way through Wal-Mart with a candy bar on my butt!  That explains a lot. That is why a security guard came up to me and asked me if I needed anything?  No one in Wal-Mart has ever asked me if I needed anything.”

Jeff

Eye Eye Captain

Blair is in preschool this year and really enjoys it.  His teacher, Angela, has a treasure box that the children can pick a toy from on Fridays, if they have been good all week. 

One Friday I  picked Blair up and he had picked an eye patch from the box.  He was so pleased with his treasure that he would not allow Emily to even look at it.  When he was finished playing with it, he had me hide it in a special place where Emily could not get it or it could not get lost.  He loved that old patch.

The following Friday I picked him up and, to my amazement, he had been a good boy again and had picked out another toy.  I had to laugh when I saw what he had, another patch.  I thought to myself that now he would let Emily have the first one, but no, that was not the case.  He announced to us all that he could not wait to get home and put on both patches.  It was all I could do to contain my laughter at the thought of him wearing both patches. 

He was overjoyed all the way home.  We go into the house, go straight to the hiding spot of the first patch and I just stand there to watch the show.   He puts the first patch on and then the other.  He stands there for about ten seconds taking it all in.  All of a sudden he rips off one of the patches and screams,  "Hey Emily! You can have this patch!" 

I almost fell over laughing.

Story by Grandma Jeff

Happy Birthday Mindy

 

We’re all thinking of you and hope you have a great birthday.

Blair’s Vacation Highlight

Randy, Jeffery, Cameron and Emily will each have their own favorite memories of the vacation to Kentucky this year.  Who knows what they will be?  I have a pretty good idea that I know what Blair’s favorite memory will be already though… he learned to ride a bicycle without training wheels on this trip to Kentucky.

---

I guess you could say he learned by accident.  You see, his cousin Cameron accidentally broke the training wheels off  Blair’s bicycle.  If he was going to ride, it had to be on two wheels.

---

Blair has already learned to push the bike to a running start and jump on to get going.  I think he is working on doing wheelies next.

 

Considering he is only four years old it is really something to see how well he rides.  I think at four I was still learning to ride my first tricycle.

Clyde

Baby Girl

I need to give a little background info for some of the newest members of the Clan.

---

I was the baby, and I do mean baby, of the family until my little sister Michelle came along, when I was 10 years old. So at the very young age of 10, I lost all my ‘baby rights’.

• Dad worked the evening shift, so Mom would let me sleep with her. After Michelle I was thrown into bed with my very prissy sister Lucy. I was told she read in a book that your body would grow in the way you sleep. She insisted that I sleep as straight as a stick on my back. I could not sleep within two feet of her, or touch her. She insisted I wear socks due to the intense pain she might endure from an accidental toe nail encounter. She would not sing to me or tell me bear tales as Mom called them. The only stories she told were ones she read in a book that would scare me into giving in to her wants. She was a big disappointment compared to my MOM.

• When Michelle was born she was way too fragile. I was always in trouble for hurting her in some way. I was just wanting to play with her. One day Dad, who had been in the hospital for six weeks due to back surgery, walked in the door and I was trying to show him how Michelle could hold onto my fingers and walk. Michelle (wanting to get me in trouble and get Dad’s attention, I finally figured her out ) let go of my hands and fell in the floor. Dad got all upset! To this day I still have to hear that story at least twice each visit I have with him.

• Dad’s dinner bucket was always a thrill. He would leave us a treat inside. But then Luci taught Michelle how to open everything (Lulu opens everything.) As soon as she figured out Dad’s lunch box, it was all over. She ruled the house. No longer was I the baby girl. I was just plain old Jeff. The girl with the very short hair with a boys name. (I was ruined, ruined I say.)

• Now if I wanted any attention, I had to get it from other sources, my aunts or Mama Rachel. So off I went in pursuit of someone to baby me. One particular day, I went down to see our Aunt Virgie ( sweetest woman ever). I asked her if I could spend the night and she was trilled to have me. She called our neighbor, Mrs. Stapleton, and had her holler over to our house and ask Mom if I could spend the night. Off I went to get my clothes for staying over at Aunt Virgie’s house. On my way home I met Luci carrying a bag. I asked, “Where are you going?”

  She very smugly answered, “Aunt Virgie needs someone to spent the night with her, and Mom said I could.” At that very moment, I threw myself down in the dirt road and threw a tantrum. I was so upset! Luci paid no attention, just snickered and went on her way to take my night with Aunt Virgie.

These are just a few of the thing that happened to be after losing my ‘baby rights’.

---

Get With The Program

Hmmmm . . . what’s going on in the world of the StalkerClan?  I have been checking in to see what new has been happenin' and… been getting nothing.  Don't you people know that I thrive off of the inhumane humor that is The Clan?

I guess I could start posting my stories. Like the time Valerie and I went to an AA meeting in Lawtey (which is a sort of Bo-Dunk town) and this Cross-eyed guy was "checking me out" (Valerie noticed this, not me).  So, when she told me I asked her how she could tell he was "checking me out", because every time I saw him one eye was looking at the table and the other one at the door. It was pretty funny.

Now see what y’all have reduced me to.  Now I just have to think about all the funny stuff that has happened to me and try to laugh uncontrollably about them (which is hard work sometimes).  I have to be in the mood to laugh like that. So help a poor lil' ole' white girl out and get with the program.

Love Y’all.

Mindy

---

Editors Note:  File this under - ‘Be Careful What You Ask For’

Prettiest Girl in Florida

I hear Emily really likes her new clothes and how they make her ‘Beautttttttfull’. 

 

I think she is just going to have to be content being the Second Prettiest Girl in Florida for a few more years though.  Everybody knows, the Prettiest Girl in Florida is…  Grandma Ratliff.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHYLLIS

 

 

 

Facebook Foto Find – Birthday Pics

Here are a couple more photos that I ran across on Facebook:

---

Maybe the trip to Kentucky was one of their birthday presents. That could be one of the worst gag gifts ever.

Next Top Model

Michelle and Luci outfitted Emily with several new dresses for school this fall. She tried them on for size and put on quite a fashion show for us at Stalker Days.

All I can say is … “Watch out Tyra Banks and Elle McPherson, Emily Isgette is coming your way.”

The Newest Schell

During Stalker Days we got to meet the latest addition to the Schell farm family…

OLIVER’S NEW MULE

I asked someone if it was as stubborn as Michelle but I didn’t get an answer. I doubt that it is.

---

Emily and Blair enjoyed feeding it some corn shucks one afternoon…

If it eats like we all did during Stalker Days, it will be fat and sassy by the next time we get together. Maybe it will be able to pull Jeremy’s tractor around the farm.

Clyde

My Summer Vacation by Emily

School will be starting soon and little Emily Isgette will be heading off to the classroom.  I wonder if Grandma Jeff is going to have a lot of explaining to do when Emily does the traditional “What I did on Summer Vacation” report.

---

MY SUMMER VACATION

This summer my Grandma and my Granddaddy, I love my Granddaddy, took me and my brother Blair Bear to a place called Kentucky.  It is a funny place. 

In Kentucky ever body talks real loud, they never use their inside voice.  They yell “Hey Carlos” or “Where’s Sherry” or “What’s for supper?”   It’s funny.

They only get one television station in Kentucky .   Granddaddy, I love my Granddaddy, said it was something called Fox News.  They talk real loud on Fox News too.

The very bestest part of Kentucky is something called Stalker Daze.  Grandma and Granddaddy, I love my Granddaddy, took us there.  Stalker Daze is a lot like Christmas. Kids get lots of toys and lots of pretty new clothes.  I got this dress I got on at Stalker Daze.

We got to play out in the yard.  We played with this big ball that sprayed water.  We got Aunt Jennie wet, I love my aunt Jennie too.

And we all played with bubbles that we got .

I was the best one at blowing bubbles. Granddaddy, I love my granddaddy, said it was because I had a lot of Stalker in me.

We all got new kites to play with.  Granddaddy, I love my Granddaddy, never could get mine to fly.  I think there was something wrong with it.

We got to meet a lot of our relatives.

That’s not one of them but it looks like some of them.

My favorite part of Stalker Daze was getting to camp out.  We camped out in Aunt Luci’s camper.  It was really rough.  There was only one bathroom and it had the smallest  refrigerator I’ve ever seen.  Granddaddy, I love my granddaddy, said we was really roughing it.  I don’t know how we survived.

And that’s what I did on my summer vacation.

Emily

 

 

Mom & Dad – The War in my Head

Luci has told about how she once asked Mom and Dad to talk about growing up on Road Creek.  Dad told several funny stories about his family, friends and co-workers at Republic Steel.  Mom remembered all the tragedies and misfortunes that had befallen her family and friends.   They grew up in the same place and time but it was like they were looking back on two different worlds.

I suspect this conflict in how they view the world has been passed on to some of us.  I know I can often separate my thoughts and memories into two categories, one that I think I inherited from Dad and another influenced by Mom.  For example, here are some of my thoughts and memories from Stalker Days this past weekend.

 

Read these loudly and with a smile on your face. Nod your head up and down.	Read these in a soft, sad tone.  Slowly shake your head from side to side.
As I drive up Road Creek Hey, there comes the crew that installs those portable carports down the creek.  Maybe they are through with Dad’s new carport already.	When I pull on the bridge at Dad’s Wait a minute, there isn’t any new carport here, and why is Randy digging under the Meaner Mall?  This can’t be good.
Loading up for the trip Million dollar pie, and Chess Cake too?	Later Jennie, where did we pack my blood sugar test kit?
Watching Chris work on Jeremy’s tractor I never knew Chris Potter could be so witty.  He has had us laughing several times.  I loved the story about the pipe wrench.	Later I never knew Chris had that much ‘ Ted’ in him.  Maybe Ted can be here next year.
After Chris got the tractor running Did you see the grin on Jeremy’s face?  He couldn’t stop smiling.	Later I bet restoring these old tractors can get expensive.  What does one of these tires cost?
Saturday I can’t believe it, Bryan is bringing his girlfriend to Stalker Days.	Saturday I can’t believe it, Bryan is bringing his girlfriend to Stalker Days.
Saturday Evening Have you ever had a steak this tender?  Everything tastes great!	Saturday Night Oh, my aching stomach.
Friday in Michelle’s dining room Look at that, Michelle still has the StalkerClan books displayed for everyone to see.	Saturday in the living room Look at that, Michelle and Jeffery are going to read from the StalkerClan books.  The party’s over.
Saturday afternoon in the yard With Emily, Blair and Emerson here playing, Stalker Days sure sounds different this year.  Listen to them squeal and laugh.	Saturday Night I haven’t had a headache like this in a long time.  Not since Dad and I went to Florida last winter.
Driving home Wasn’t it great that Erik, Veronica and Emerson got to come this year!	A few miles later What a shame that Matt and Sara couldn’t be here.

Can you tell which column is my view of the world due to Dad’s DNA and which is the view I inherited from Mom?  I bet you can.  I wonder if there is a psychiatrist around who gives a group discount?

Clyde 

Call the Cops

Since Emily and Blair have been back at Grandma’s they have been learning about the importance of an allowance,  how to save it and not lose it, how to spend it and so on.  Now mind you, this is no small undertaking. There is a lot of thought that has to go into such a learning process. 

• First of all you must explain the importance of this funny looking green piece of paper, and why it should be put up and not just left on the floor, or under the couch, or in the frig.  It must be put away for safe keeping, saved for the day you go shopping to get something special for yourself or someone else.

• Second, you must learn to save enough to get something worthwhile, not just a piece of dollar junk to throw in the trash as soon as you get home.

• Third, and most important, you must learn to take your money with you when you do go shopping.  This is very important. Especially to the grandma who is taking you shopping.

Now I promised Emily and Blair that they could go to Wal-Mart with me and spend their allowance. They were thrilled!  We invited Abby, our neighbor girl who Blair just loves, to go with us. We were almost to Wal-Mart when Blair announced that he had forgot his money. (A true Mama moment if I ever saw one.)  Emily started to cry. She also had forgot her money. (Two Mamas.)

The conversation went kinda like this:

Grandma:    Well kids, what are you going to get with you money?
Blair:    OH NO!  Grandma, I forgot my money! We need to go back home!
Emily:   Me too, Grandma.  I forgot mine too.  Let’s go back.
Grandma: No! We cannot go back now kids. We have come too far. I’ll tell you what we can do. I will pay for your toys and you can pay me back when we get home. 
Emily: Okay Grandma.  I will give you my money when we get home.
Blair: Not me. You can’t have my money Grandma. It’s my money.
Grandma: Blair, Grandma is going to loan you $6 to buy yourself a toy. Then you can give it back to me when we get home. 
Blair: Why do I have to give you my money Grandma?  It’s my money!

Now about this time I figure I am just wasting my breath trying to get him to understand the concept of a loan.  So we just go on to Wal-Mart and hit the toy section first.  We spend at least 45 minutes searching for a wonderful $6 toy.  Good luck with that!  Finally I gave in and accepted the fact that I would have to let them get a $9 toy and think it was a $6 toy. That was the only way out of the toy section. Blair picked out a pack of two motorcycles with guys to ride them and Emily picked out, of course , a toy cell phone.  They were both thrilled with their finds.

We continued on through the store.

Emily: Grandma, can you open this now?
Blair: Me too, Grandma.  Can you open mine too?
Grandma: We have to pay for them first.

We finally got to the counter and paid for the wonderful treats.  They had now been paid for and ready to open.

Blair: Can you open it now Grandma?
Grandma: Maybe when we get in the car Blair.
Emily: Me too Grandma!

We get in the car and start down the road.

Blair: Grandma, you forgot to open my toy! Can you open it now?
Grandma: You will have to wait till we get home now Blair. I am driving and can’t do it now.

We get home and start carrying in the groceries.  All the while in the back ground the same chant keeps ringing in my ears.

Emily and Blair:  Can you open it now Grandma?  Can you open it now?

Abby comes to the rescue. She opens up both toys and saves me from the endless chanting.

Now they are busy playing with the toys and I, of course, have to remind them that it is now payback time.  I tell them to go and get me the $6 they owe me.  Emily goes and retrieves her $6 and brings it to me with no problem.  Blair on the other hand was a whole different matter.  He begins with, “Why do I have to give you my money? It’s my money, Grandma.”

“A deal is a deal. Go get me my money.”

He hangs his head and reluctantly heads for his room and the secret drawer where he has hid his stash.  He comes into the living room and hands me $3 dollars.  I look at him and ask,”Where is the other $3 dollars.”

He looks back at me and tells me, “That is all you get, Grandma!”

I looked at him and pointed my finger in the direction of the secret drawer, “Go get me three more dollars young man.”

His face turned into a distorted mess.  He turned and, ever so slowly, walked into his room and brought the money and threw it at me. I told him to come back and count me out $6 dollars.  Reluctantly, he came and counted out the $6 dollars.

A few minutes later he came back out of his room holding the phone I had given him. (One that I had been going to throw away, but he keeps charged up in his room so that it will make noise.)
He was busy dialing the phone.  Granddad saw him and asked, “Who are you calling, Blair?”

“I am calling the cops to come and get Grandma for stealing my money. Grandma you are going to jail.  You stole my money!”

I was floored!  He had called the cops on me.  That little Rat Fink! Snitch!  Oh, sorry, I mean I told him that if he wanted his money back, that we would need to make a trip back to Wal-Mart to take his toy back, and let them give his money back. Needless to say, he was still dialing the cops when I went to bed.

Grandma Jeff