TWERK-Pong

 Just when I think things can't get any stranger down there in Florida, something like this comes along...

I am speechless!

New Graduates

 I hear there are two new graduates down in Florida.  They must be talking about kindergarten graduation, it can't have been that long since I was down there.

Congratulations to Caitlyn and Blair !!

Florida Girls

A promo for a new show on Pop-TV caught our attention today.

I looked over at Jennie when it ended and said, "Oh my Lord!  They've made a movie about Jeffery's girls."

Jennie laughed and said, "I knew you were going to say that about the Guinea Girls."

Dad's Old Shotgun

(This is a follow-up to both Jeffery's post about the items she has that belonged to Dad and the post yesterday about how time is flying too fast.)

I have Dad's old Nitro Hunter 16 gauge shotgun.  It is a single barrel, breech-loader that was manufactured sometime around 1910.  Dad told me he got it from his Uncle Dow Chaney when he was just a teenager.  Dad said he killed his first squirrel with it, and that Uncle Teet killed his last squirrel with it.  Not long before Teet passed away he and Dad went hunting on Biggs Branch and Teet used this 16 gauge because it was lighter and easier to carry than his 12 gauge pump.

Dad's Uncle Dow was quite a character.  He fought in the Spanish-American War and often spoke about Teddy Roosevelt and the battle at San Juan Hill.  

He also worked for Devil Anse Hatfield during the famous feud.  He and "Uncle Bob Fraley" stood guard at Devil Anse's home.  They were stationed on the second-floor porch where they kept watch for any McCoy's that might come after Devil Anse or any of his clan.  I'm pretty sure Dad's shotgun was manufactured too late to have been used during the feud though.

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Now I wouldn't sell Dad's shotgun for any amount of money. It's as precious to me as Dad's dinner bucket is to Jeffery.  I would, however, be willing to loan it to Jevon if he needs it.  Maybe until Caitlyn turns 30 or 35 years old.

Posted by Clyde

Time's Flying Much Too Fast

It's been a long time since I've been to Florida to see my little buddy, Caitlyn.  I was there not long after she was born...

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And I visited a few times with Dad when she was just a toddler.  Actually, this is kinda how I still picture her in my mind...

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It's been a while since my last visit, and I can accept the fact that she isn't a toddler anymore...

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But THIS I just can't accept...

This can't be happening already! What have you all done with my little buddy?

Oh, I bet Jevon is having an even harder time dealing with this than I am.

Posted by Clyde

A Christmas Birthday

Found this online and thought it might fit someone on the StalkerClan (with very minor alterations.)

25 REASONS IT SUCKS TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY

1. The Christmas Day you are born, your parents consider you a special gift from Santa, and ponder naming you Noelle, Holly, Joy, Eve or Carol. You almost became “Noelle” – until your parents let your older brother give you a boy's name.
2. Some how, years later, that day you were once considered a special gift from Santa, turns into “that day you ruined your mom’s Christmas” (at least jokingly). After all, it’s your fault she ended up in hospital on Christmas Day, and your arrival made her miss a delicious turkey dinner.
3. Speaking of turkey, you are almost guaranteed to eat turkey on your birthday every year…for the rest of your life.
4. When you become a mom, you will spend your remaining birthdays cooking that turkey for everyone else.
5. On the topic of food – you can forget about your kids ever making you breakfast in bed on your Christmas Birthday. They will be too busy sitting beside the Christmas tree opening their Christmas presents.
6. Everyone tells you how great it must be to be born on Christmas Day! Ya. No.
7. You receive a lot of two-fer’s on December 25th. What’s a two-fer? A 2-for-1. Two presents rolled into one. A combo. Also known as a “Birthmas present”.
8. Speaking of combos, your birthday card (if you actually receive one) almost always mentions your “Christmas Birthday”. No funny cards for you. Your cards are full of snowy scenes, Santa, and Christmas decorations.
9. What’s worse? When you receive a Christmas card containing the handwritten words “oh by the way – Happy Birthday too!”
10. Your birthday gets lost in the excitement of everyone else’s Christmas. A quick birthday greeting, then – let the Christmas celebrations commence!
11. When you complain about your birthday getting lost in the Christmas festivities, people suggest you should celebrate your birthday on June 25th instead. Really? This is NOT helpful.
12. Your siblings also get presents on YOUR birthday.
13. You receive cheap birthday presents – everyone is broke by the time they finally get around to remembering they also need to buy you a birthday present.
14. The birthday gifts you do receive are wrapped in Christmas gift wrap.
15. Birthday gifts are often Christmas decorations for your home.
16. Any clothing you receive as a gift on your Christmas Birthday is often red or green…or both.
17. You never get to have an actual party on your birthday. No one is around to invite to your party – they have already left on their Christmas vacation.
18. Everything is always closed on your birthday.
19. You can’t take advantage of those “birthday freebies” – because everything is closed.
20. Your birthday cakes are always  “day olds”. Either bought the day before, or made the day before.
21. You miss out on the free lunch and birthday cake at work.
22. You pick another day during December to celebrate your birthday, only to find everyone is busy attending holiday parties.
23. You share your birthday with Baby Jesus – someone many people consider far more important than yourself. You’re also in constant competition with that jolly old elf, St. Nick.
24. You spend the month of December hearing everyone else speak of their plans for December 25th with nary a mention of your birthday.
25. You long for a “green” birthday once in a while, while everyone else is longing for their white Christmas.

Posted by Clyde

Caitlyn Photos

Ran across a new photo of Caitlyn this week ...

I thought it was a good one and figured I would add it to the Google Photos collection I have of her...

She may have gotten her good looks from the Mayberrys and her brains from the Ratliffs, but I am pretty sure that girl got her appetite from the Stalkers.

Stolen from Amber's Facebook page and 

Posted by Clyde

Friday's Fun Foto #18

A gaggle of Guinea Hens...

Posted by Clyde

Birthday Dilemma

It's always hard for me when one of the teenage guys on the StalkerClan has a birthday.  I want to post something impressive about them, but I know I have to be careful not to embarrass them.  Teenage boys are so sensitive, I don't dare display anything they wouldn't want their friends, or "Heavens Forbid" a potential GIRLFRIEND to see.

Here's my dilemma today...I have this nice video of Caleb singing that I got off his Twitter feed.  He's got those "young Tom Cruise" good looks, plus the musical skills that I know will impress many a current or future girlfriend.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Caleb Mayberry🤙🏻PHS🤙🏻 (@caleb_mayberry__45) on May 12, 2018 at 5:26am PDT

Since he posted it on Twitter I don't think he would be embarrassed if I posted it on the StalkerClan, but I can't be sure.

On the other hand, I could post this photo from a few years ago...

There might be lots of his friends who would be much more impressed by this.  What should I do?

Can you see my predicament?

Posted by Clyde

Happy Birthday Amber - Sept. 24

I'm told this is a reenactment of the moment Jevon first met Amber.  Apparently, he recognized right away, this was the perfect girl for him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER

Posted by Clyde

Mayberry McInnis Meme

Browsing my Instagram feed today I came across this recent photo that Caitlyn had posted of her and a friend...

caitlyn.spam05  Just remember if we get caught I’m deaf and you don’t speak English!

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I'm wondering, "Where in the world has she heard that?  Is it from a movie I haven't seen? Stupid and Stupider or Napoleon TNT or something like that?"  

A quick Google search reveals it is a quote from Rick Riordan and is a popular meme on the internet.  You can buy T-shirts, posters and other things with this saying on them.

Scrolling down one more post I think I found the perfect photo for this meme...

cmcinnis80 #sisters
g8trs99 Pics in the theater?
cmcinnis80 @g8trs99 yep

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I suspect this meme probably originated with this duo.  Now I'm fearing the next generation of Florida kids is going to be just as wild and crazy as the one before it.

Posted by Clyde

Cupcake Wars

Sophia and her cousins made the paper this week! Credit to my awesome sister, @ambermaybe5 , for being so domestic that she has skills for the both of us and comes up with some amazingly fun projects for her kids (and mine). How cool!

Posted by Crystal on Instagram

PLANTING SEEDS

I don't even know how to describe the legacy this man left behind. So I'll just do my best. 

He never met a stranger. Always gave his last dollar or scrap of food to someone else.  He could make ANY situation funny. 

He almost never talked about love but he always made it clear through his actions just how much he LOVED people.  He went to sleep with the sun and woke up with the sun EVERY day. Maybe that's why he was such a bright light everywhere he went. 

He planted seeds ALL year round. Some were in the ground but most were in the lives of others. 

To say he will be missed by many just doesn't even scratch the surface. This world lost a beautiful soul but heaven gained a treasure.  Papaw, I know you've already walked to the end of those streets of gold to a nice plot of land where you are, no doubt, planting your garden.

by Amber

Georgia On My Mind

Amber said that Jevon was home from Georgia this weekend. He has been working up there for several months. It is a thrill for him to come home and see the family.

This past weekend, he was working on his four wheeler with Caitlyn.  Her brain went to working on how she could get her Dad to stay home.

Caitlyn - "Dad, if you stayed here and didn't go back to Georgia, you could work on your four wheeler all you want. Don't you think that is a good idea?"

Jevon - “Sure Caitlyn, but if I stay here, I can't make money so that you and Momma can go get your nails and hair done, and buy all those pretty clothes."

Caitlyn - “Well, in that case Dad, you go on back to Georgia all you want to!"

Story from Grandma Jeff
Photos from Amber’s Facebook

A Force to be Reckoned With

So yesterday, Caitlyn is crying because she doesn't want to go to school.  She gives me the saddest puppy eyes and sobs, "It's a FREE country, Mom!  That means, if I don't wanna do something then I don't have to. And I don't wanna go to SCHOOL!"

Geez, I don't remember pulling the "It's a free country" card until I was like 9 or 10.  I'm afraid this girl may be a force to be reckoned with.

Amber via Facebook

Lady Overboard !

So Jevon and I took the kids to Disney a couple of weekends ago.  It was a Saturday, it was about 140 degrees out and it was insanely crowded.  There is a huge boat that you have to ride across a small lake to get the actual park itself.  The line just to get on the boat was a mob of hot, sweaty, irritated people wearing Mickey Mouse ears and Tinkerbelle tu-tu's.  We all must have looked like a mob of the living dead, just making our way to the boat moaning, "Disssss-ney.......Dissss-ney.......Mickeeeeey......"

As we were trying to load ourselves and the kids on the boat, we got behind a lady with a stroller and what appeared to be her mother.  They kept holding everybody up and it was getting annoying.  Jevon looked at me, rolled his eyes and began to nudge his way through the crowd to try to get around them.  When the lady's mom realized it, she yelled, "Can't you people see we have a stroller here!  Now make some room and get out of our way!"
I winced, closed my eyes briefly and hoped that the comment had not made it's way to Jevon's red hot ears.  It only took about two seconds to find out the answer, though.  As the lady and her family were quickly being swallowed by the crowd of Disney zombies, I heard him respond in an unusually sarcastic voice, "Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn't realize that pushing a stroller gives people the right to be A-holes.  I guess I  should have brought my stroller today, huh?"

At this point, I can envision the conversation I am having with the kids as we drive away from the park and towards the Orlando jail.  "Yes, kids, I know you really wanted to go to Disney World, but we can't just leave your Daddy in jail.  Daddy, shouldn't have pushed that old lady off the Disney boat, but he did, and now we have to go get him."
Lucky for me, though, there were just too many Mickey ears and tu-tu's between Jevon and the older lady for either of them to hear the other clearly.  But I definitely heard what she said next.  As she glared back at Jevon, she huffed, "What did he say!?!  That guy better not have just said something nasty to me in Spanish!!"

I thought I was going to die.  Jevon was buzzing in my ear, "What did she say?  Did she say something to me?"

I just kept shaking my head frantically "No".  It wasn't until later that day that I told him what she said.  I must say, had he heard her, you might all be able to look up his mug shot online right now.

LOL!

Amber

Facebook Foto Finds ( Good and Bad )

As I’ve said before, my favorite feature of Facebook is the photo application where a lot of folks share their family photos.  The Guinea Girls in Florida have posted a lot of pictures over the past few months.   Here are a few of my recent favorite finds:

Unfortunately, there is a downside to browsing Facebook too.  This series of pictures in one of Crystal’s albums has triggered my Ski Biscuit Nightmares all over again… Just when I thought I could maybe end the twice-weekly therapy sessions with my shrink, after twenty years of treatment,  I get thrown back to square one.  I haven’t slept in three nights now. I understand Florida was home to the woman thought to be the nation’s first female serial killer.  I suspect Crystal may be Florida and the nation’s first female serial ‘Ski Biscuit’ killer.  From the photos on her Facebook account, it looks like she has had several victims recently.  I hope the authorities in Florida can stop this carnage soon.  She needs to be locked away for a long, long time.

Clyde

Caleb is Out of Surgery

The last report I had Caleb was out of surgery (his second this week) and was doing well. 
Here is a photo that Crystal sent.  She said this was right after he came out of surgery.



Photo from Crystal

I told you my Dad was Mexican

Caitlyn has really been giving her daddy, Jevon, a run for his money lately.  She never seems to stop amazing us with her wit and her ability to keep her daddy on his last nerve.  ( I love it! )

Well, to just lay a little ground work of knowledge for everyone, you must picture her daddy. He is Italian, he has dark hair and dark, olive skin.  He is a very handsome fellow. ( Please don't tell him I said that. I will never hear the end of it. )

Caitlyn started preschool this year and her classroom is full of all different types of people,  Spanish, Afro American, and White.  She is noticing that there are differences in each.  She is sooooo smart. One day Amber allowed her to have a friend over.  They were playing in the living room when her daddy came home from work.  As he opened the door and stepped into the living room,  Amber heard Caitlyn say to her friend, "See, I told you my Dad was Mexican!"

Jevon almost lost it!  He sat her down and told her that he was not Mexican, he was Italian.  She was not buying it at all.

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A few weeks went by and Caitlyn came home crying that one of the children had called her fat.  Her daddy sat her down and told her that he had a word he wanted her to use on them - Anorexic.   They practiced saying that word until Caitlyn had it down, “An-or-ex-ic,  An-or-ex-ic.”  The next day Caitlyn came home from preschool and asked Amber, "Mom, what was that Mexican word Dad taught me?"

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Poor old Jevon,  he can’t get a break.  Caitlyn spends a lot of her time begging him to teach her to count to ten in Mexican. He tries to tell her he is not Mexican. She is not buying it.  He tries to tell her that, if he is Mexican, then she is Mexican also.  She just puts her arm out and shows him that she is white, and he is dark.

Adios amigos!

Story by Grandma Jeff

The Tattling Witch

So, I have been taking these child care classes at night.  They have been going pretty well.  I have learned a lot so far.  My teacher, Ms. Liz, is full of neat teaching techniques and ideas.  Every once in while she will share some sort of idea or theory that strikes my attention about problems that I have at home with my own three kids.  About a month ago she started talking about how to deal with tattle tales.  Well, I have three of the biggest tattle tales in the South living in my house (four if you count me).  Anyway, I was all ears. 

Ms. Liz explained that tattling is usually done to get attention so you have to get to the root of the problem.  Don't give the tattler any attention when they tattle.  You simply designate some sort of inanimate object for the children to take their tattles to.  She said she had actually seen the exercise played out with a stuffed turtle.  The children had to take their tattles to the "Tattling Turtle".  After a few times the children grew tired of talking to an unresponsive stuffed animal and gave up tattling all together.  It was either the most genius or most ridiculous things I had ever heard. 

A trial run would be the only way to tell.  I couldn't wait to try it out on the kids.  As soon as we all got in the car together, the next afternoon after school, the tattles started.  I smiled to myself and calmly stated, "Everyone save those tattles.  I have something special at home to show you."  The kids got quiet and looked around at each other.  They were quite puzzled.  I refused to divulge any more information until we got home.

When we got to the house, I ran in before them and grabbed the stuffed witch Ms. Liz had given me for Halloween.  They had not seen it before and so I introduced her like this, "Hey, kids.  I want to introduce you to someone.  This is the “Tattling Witch”.  She has come here to relieve me of my tattle listening duties.  From now on when you have a tattle you will go to her and spill your little guts out.  She will be glad to listen.  That means I will no longer be taking any tattles, from anyone, from now on.  Understand?" 

Caleb's eyebrows furrowed.  He looked confused.  Caitlyn laughed hysterically.  Austin rolled his eyes and said, "Mom, that is the stupidest thing I ever heard.  I know what you are doing and it's not going to work." 

I raised my eyebrows in a matter of fact way and responded, " Oh, I'm sorry Austin but all complaints must be taken to the tattling witch also."  Boy was I smart!  I was so pleased with myself. 

The kids sat in a stupor for about three minutes and then life went on as usual for about an hour.  Jevon worked late that night and so it was just the kids and I who sat down for dinner.  That's when it all started. 

I heard Caleb and Caitlyn starting to argue as we sat down to our plates.  Caitlyn immediately turned to me and squealed, "MOM!  Caleb is..." 

But I quickly shut that show down,  "Uh-uh-uh."  I stuck my hand up in "talk to the hand" pose and said, "You know where to take that tattle don't you?  Remember I am retired."  I pointed to the witch manning her post on the end table. 

Caitlyn's lip curled up and her shoulders slumped as she looked at me to see how serious I really was.  I turned my head and made a shooing motion with me hand.  She slid out of her chair with a thud and walked very slowly to the witch.  I couldn't hear what she was saying (which was the whole point of the drill) but I could hear the all too familiar "tattle-tone" of her words as they whined out of her. 

She tattled for a good while.  Then she stopped and stared at the witch.  Nothing happened.  She leaned in.  Still nothing.  She turned her head and put her ear so close to the witch’s mouth that I think they were touching.  She sat that way for about 30 seconds.  Then to my surprise, a smile began to grow on Caitlyn's face.  It grew into a giggle and then she shook her head in agreement to something.  She raced back to the table and plopped down in her seat. 

I couldn't help but think that, in fact, Ms. Liz was a genius.  Thank you Ms. Liz!  I looked at Caitlyn and asked, "So, how did it go, Squirrel?" 

She stated in a very uppity tone, "Well, I told the tattling witch about Caleb and she said that it wasn't that big of a deal.  I should just ignore him.  So I will." 

Man, this was going even better that I could have imagined.  Caleb looked irritated but he refrained from comment and continued eating.  After about five minutes the two were at it again.  This time Caleb yelled, "MOM!  Caitlyn won't stop...." 

I threw my hand up quick,  "Uh-uh-uh!  You know where to go, dude." 

The look of disgust on his face was priceless.  "But Mom, I don't want to...."  I threw my hand up again and shooed him to the witch.  He looked around the table as if he were looking for someone to save him from a walk to the plank.  Austin's head was down hiding his laughter and Caitlyn just smiled a snotty "Ha ha" smile at him.  He grimaced as he stomped to the witch.  To my surprise the same scenario played out again.  Tattle, tattle, tattle.....listen....lean in.....smile.....and back to the table he trotted.   As he sat down he was still smiling. 

Caitlyn was visibly distraught, however.  "What did you say to her?"  she demanded. 

"I just told her what you did to me.  She said it wasn't very nice of you." 

Caitlyn's mouth dropped open and she threw herself out of her chair.  This time she ran to the witch.  She talked, listened, grinned and sauntered back to the table.  As she sat down she shot a hot look Caleb's way and said, "By the way, Caleb... I just talked to the tattling witch and she said you are silly and she doesn't want to talk to you ever ever again, because she doesn't like your voice!" 

Caleb was outraged.  His mouth dropped.  Austin is still covering his snickers.  Caleb flies down from the table.  He races to the witch.  When he gets back he announces, "Guess what Caitlyn, the witch just told me that she doesn't want to be your friend anymore.  She never wants to see you again.  Ever!  Ever!" 

Caitlyn gasps.  This time they stare at each other, daring the other one to get down.  At this point I am questioning Ms. Liz's qualifications for teaching child care.  My dreams were shattering before me.  They were both squatted in their chairs, ready to run to the witch. 

I made a last ditch effort to diffuse the situation that was playing out, AT DINNER mind you.  I said, "Alright, that's enough..."  And with that they were off.  Neck and neck the whole way across the living room to the witch.  They were screaming about each other to her.  The whole time they were clawing at each other to get to her first.  This time I raced to the witch and pulled them both off of each other by their collars. 

As I sat them in their chairs I explained that the rest of dinner would be eaten in silence.  That's when Austin finally chimed in, "Well Mom, you tried.  But I told you it was a stupid idea." 

All I could do was sigh in defeat.  After dinner I took a bath and tried to wash away my disappointment.  When I got out, I found Caitlyn sitting in the kitchen with her Halloween bag.  Half of her candy was shoved in her mouth and she was having difficulty chewing it all. 

I was shocked!  She knows she has to ask to eat sweets and she always does.  This wasn't like her.  I said sternly, "Caitlyn, just what in the world do you think you are doing?  You did not ask Mommy if you could eat candy.  You know better!  Spit all of that out, now." 

With her mouth still full I could barely understand her as she said, "Remember Mom?  The witch is the boss now.  I asked her and she said I could eat as much as I wanted!  I love that witch!"

Amber