Being WILK’ed on the Radio

Luci and I were having our weekly talk and she said she liked a song she heard on the radio but didn’t know the name of the song.  She said it had "There goes the neighborhood" and "Next to nothing I was looking pretty good" running throughout the song.  We googled and searched and I finally said, "I will call the radio station and ask them."

We hung up and I called the radio station and this is the conversation that took place:

Radio man: Hello

Me: Yes, I would like to ask a question.  I am trying to find the name of a song,  it has the words ‘There goes the neighborhood’  and ‘Next to nothing I was lookin’ pretty good’ going through the song.

Radio Man: I don’t know what you’re looking for.

Me: It’s all about a man moving into the neighborhood and making his fellow neighbor husbands look bad.

Radio Man:  Mam,  I don’t know that song, this is SPORTS TALK!

Me: Thank you so much.

Jeremy and Justin had the best laugh and we called Luci and she laughed as well. I said if Jim heard that on the radio at Lowes I would hear about it. Thank goodness I never told them my name.

Michelle

Childhood Mysteries

Shawn and Jennifer had us all over for dinner during Court Days. It was a "full emersion" occasion.

Jennifer is such a kind and gentle spirit and an animal lover. They had a new puppy. Over dinner Papaw reminisced about his favorite hunting dog. It seems a friend gave it to him because it was killing all the neighbors' cats. Papaw said he didn't care if it killed cats as long as it would tree squirrels. The next morning there were three dead cats on the porch. He had to hustle to get them down to the river before anyone (particularly us) could see them. Every morning he would get up before daybreak to check the porch for dead cats and take them to the river.

Slowly but surely our childhood mysteries are being solved. We now know:

• What the funny looking balloons were,
  
• Why Sherry was so upset about loosing her "Joke book,"
  
• Where all the cats went, and
  
• Why Papaw gets up so early.

I wonder what other answerers will reveal themselves. The holidays are coming up. Lots of opportunities for dinner conversation.

Dinner was wonderful by the way. I think Jennifer's mom cooked everything.

Luci

Trash the Dress

I ran across something I thought was interesting on the Internet recently.  It seems there is an association for professional wedding photographers and they have contests to pick their best photographs in a variety of categories.  One of the categories is something called ‘Trash the Dress’.   These are staged (usually) photographs of the bride doing something that would destroy, ruin or trash her wedding dress.   Here is a past winner that caught my eye and that I really liked…

This got me to wondering… “What has happened to Jennifer’s dress?”  She was wearing it when she and Shawn drove away from the church, leaving for their honeymoon.  Has anyone seen it since?  I have this nagging feeling that something bad may have happened to it…

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SHAWN AND JENNIFER !

One year down and many more to go.

Clyde

Chris’ Birthday 2009

On Chris' birthday I thought I would tell a couple of my favorite Chris Tales. 

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Grandma came to stay with us for a few days when I had Pat. I was taking it easy when I heard a blood curdling scream come from the laundry room. I ran out there to see what had happened. Grandma was holding her breath and pointing to a dead mouse on the floor next to a pair of Chris' jeans.  She finally got out the story that she stuck her hand in the pocket of the jeans to empty it out before putting them in the washer.  She pulled out a dead mouse - hence the scream. She left no doubt that in her opinion someone deserved some serious punishment.

I yelled for Chris (almost 6 at the time). I asked, "Chris did you put a dead mouse in your pocket?"

He looked at me with that totally innocent look of his and and said, "Of course not. Why would I do that?"  Then the truth of the situation hit him and he screamed, "MY MOUSE IS DEAD. OH NO!" Both he and Grandma were inconsolable. As usual I was between a rock and a hard place.

( Chris and his mouse make me think of  THIS SONG. )

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When Pat was about 4 or 5 and Chris about 11 or 12, they invited a couple of their friends to go fishing with them.  The older boys were putting the worms on the hooks for the younger boys. As boys will do, they were competing as to which one was better at baiting hooks.  Chris' friend declared "I'm  the Master." 

Chris calmly replied, "So that makes you the Master Baiter."  I think the  poor guy still goes by that nickname.

Happy Birthday "Number One."

Love You

Mom

Luci

StalkerClan Rule Number 27

I hear that  Caitlyn recently ran afoul of a StalkerClan Rule.

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STALKERCLAN RULES

#27	Never follow too closely in the buffet line at Golden Corral. (Especially if the person in front is much taller than you.)

Rule No. 27 is closely related to one of the prime StalkerClan Rules...

#3	ALWAYS stay UPWIND of Cameron.

Maybe Jeff or Amber can give us the whole story in a comment.
Clyde

Obama Girl’s New Crush

You may remember The Obama Girl.  Her first video “I’ve Got a Crush on Obama” was popular back during the election last year.  It has been viewed over 15 million times on YouTube.  Well, she’s got a new crush and, O’ brother, I couldn’t believe who it is!   CLICK on the picture to watch her latest YouTube video.

Maybe Obama’s plan to “Share the wealth” is to get everyone in America on SSI.   Now that everyone is out of work, that could be the only option he has left.  Eric C. Conn may well be the man for that job.

Michelle insisted I post this. (Sorry)

Confusion about Camron's Cake

I swear Camron, I ordered a Sheet Cake,   S-H-E-E-T  Cake.  I don’t know how they could make a mistake like this…

Oh well, hold your nose and have a Happy Birthday big guy. Uncle Clyde ( PS  -  I haven’t gotten even yet. )

A Caleb Collage

I can’t decide which photo of Caleb would be best for his birthday post here on the StalkerClan.   But I have to post something; today is his birthday.  How do I decide?  They’re all so good.  That’s one thing you can say for sure about Caleb, he always takes a good picture. 

Hey, why not just post the whole bunch!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB

Tree Frogs

Jennifer just posted a picture of a tree frog on Facebook. It appears to be stuck on a window.

This would have been so exciting to my boys, and Michelle's, when they were young. It reminded me of a couple of old stories - one of which was probably reported on the Clan but the other was too long ago.

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When Chris and Pat were young, I ordered barking tree frogs. We loved them!

Their terrarium ended up in Ted's room. It turned out they only barked at night. I never actually heard them.

Somehow they managed to escape from their terrarium and out the door.

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It also reminds me of another adventure at the lake. One weekend we had two Sea-Doos to try out. Jim, Michelle and Jeremy were on one, Ted and I on another. Apparently Jim's doo-rag flew off and when he leaned over to pick it up, Michelle followed the rules of motorcycle riding and leaned with him. The Sea-Doo turned over. 

We could hear Jeremy screaming over the motor of our Sea-Doo from a mile away. I thought one of them must be seriously hurt. When we got there it turned out that Jeremy’s tree frog had gotten out of the compartment he put it in. We know Jeremy is capable of true love.

Luci

The Karaoke Kid

I have to tell you all about the class clown in my room. He is a cross between Dennis the Menace and Archie Bunker.

One day we were getting ready to eat breakfast and I said, "Now Connor, you know you can’t have a chocolate milk for breakfast."

He balled his hands into a fist, threw them down at his sides and, with the most serious look on his face, said, "A WOMAN does NOT tell a MAN what to do!"

I said, "Well when I see a man I will remember that, but you’re not getting a chocolate milk!"  He huffed off to the table and ate his cereal with white milk.

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Later that week we brought the Karaoke machine out for them to tell a joke, sing a song or tell a story. Connor walked up the microphone and said, “I want to tell a story.”  He started by saying, "I have monsters in my bedroom at night."  He described the head , the arms, the legs and the feet this monster had. It was a frightening monster.

Having the Karaoke machine going full blast it was a rather loud tale. Then, all of the sudden, he said, "And when I see that monster, I kick it’s A$$.”

I made a face and my assistant started dying laughing. I was just hoping that the principal was not in the building, because I am sure she could have heard it without any problem.

Art Linkletter had it right… Kids Say the Darndest Things.

Michelle

Sam’s Club Shopping List

Hey Jeff, it’s probably not too early to start stocking up for my and Dad’s annual visit.  Do you have a Sam’s Club down there?  If you do, they have Pinto Beans in the 50 lb bag.  It might save you some money to pay them a visit.

Who knows, we might be able to get your Christ in the Manger plant to bloom in January.

Clyde

Baywatch – Senior Edition (Revisited)

It was five years ago this week that the following story first appeared on the StalkerClan.  I think it is worth revisiting, if for no other reason than to get another glimpse of the ‘Bigguns’.

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We (Ted, Luci, Clyde and Jennie) lived an episode of Baywatch - Senior Edition this weekend. Along with Shawn and Chris we decided to take the boat out one last time for this year.  We were surprised that the water was up so high.  It seems that the rain we got from the remnants of the hurricanes that have passed through had raised the lake about 15 feet higher than it would normally be this time of year.  The water was up in the trees all around the bank.

The sail boaters were having a Regatta.  When we put in there were probably a hundred or more of them sailing around the main part of the lake.  It was a really pretty picture.

Since we stuck out like a sore thumb we headed on up the lake.  We cruised around for a while, noting that we had the rest of the lake pretty much to ourselves and the water was smooth as silk.  We tried to talk Chris and Shawn into skiing but it was a no go. The water temperature was about 50 degrees.

It started getting late and the wind started to pick up so we put up our hoods and pulled our coats around us and  headed back to the ramp to take the boat out.  Since Chris and Shawn planned to haul it home, we dropped them off on the bank (the dock was full of sailboats) and they headed up to the truck.

After a while a spot opened up at the dock and we headed for it.  The water had gotten so rough that the boat was rocking like crazy against the dock.  Before we could tie up a lady came running down and asked if we could help a couple of sailboats that had been blown over to the bank and tangled up in the trees.  It seemed we were the only boat left that had any kind of motor.  Of course David Hasselhoff and his team of hunky heroes and buxom babes headed off to the rescue.

When we got there it seemed Pamela Anderson (as we like to call her for two obvious reasons) was already on the scene and in the water, trying to single-handedly save both boats by towing them across the lake with a rope.  Since their rope was only about 20 feet long we had to get dangerously close to them to pick up the end of it.  Ted had to really maneuver the boat to keep from crashing into them and crushing their boats.

Once we got the rope, we learned that Pamela had gotten into the water thinking that she could touch the bottom and pull them out of the trees but the water was too deep.  She had not been able to get back in the boat without capsizing it and the bank was so slippery she couldn't climb out there either.  She had been in the water for over an hour.

As we hurried to rescue her, Clyde opened our gate and she tried unsuccessfully to pull herself aboard.  Clyde got hold of her arm and tried to help her but she was pretty much numb and there was no way he could lift her.

At that point in time all we could see was her two enormous flotation devices floating free in a wet T-shirt.   Some one had thrown her a life jacket but there was no way it would fit so she couldn't put it on.  It was obviously worthless as there was no way she was going to sink.

After several attempts she looked up at Clyde with a sweet but helpless expression and said, "You're going to have to grab me."

Clyde got the famous Randy expression on his face.  Realizing that there was nothing else for him to grab except those two ‘bigguns’ and of course, with Jennie standing nearby that would have been suicidal.  He had to immediately determine whether to sacrifice his own life for hers and quickly decided that his life was worth living after all.

About that time the boat rocked enough for Ted (at the wheel) to get a glimpse of the ‘bigguns’.  Forgetting all about crushing the sail boats, he knocked Luci out of the way and ran over to the side of the boat.   Thank goodness it was a pontoon boat and Luci managed to grab hold of the railing or she too would have gone overboard, without any flotation devices, natural or otherwise.

With that lecherous grin on his face Ted shouts "I'll save them, I mean you, Honey."

Pamela took one look at Ted and said, "I think I'll just stay in the water and let you tow me in."

 

 

 

 

 
Circling the parking lot, Chris and Shawn missed all the excitement. They were starting to wonder what had happened to us when they overheard someone say,"There are a bunch of old people on a pontoon boat down there ferrying sailboats back and forth."

Posted by Luci

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAT MASTERSON

Willie Ray will turn 67 this day October 5. 

I was listening to Lucille during Stalker Daze.  We were talking about bats.  She said, "I remember the posts that held up the porch tops, either at our brown house or Maw Rachael's house. I remember there was a small hole in one of them and bats would go in or out that hole.  I remember Willie Ray would take a baseball bat and hit the post and if a bat came out he would hit it with the bat."

If Willie Ray's nickname was Bat, it would be.. “Bat hits bat with bat.”

When I got back home Willie Ray came up to help pick beans. I told him about this tale. He said, "Now, you don't believe such tales as that do you?"

I said, "Yes, I do.  I believe every tale they tell on you!"

 

HAPPY 67TH BIRTHDAY UNCLE WILLIE

Sherry

The Help Line

Anyone who’s visited the StalkerClan more than once has probably thought, “Gee, the fellow who posts this stuff needs to be in therapy.” 
Well, enough of you have shared that opinion that I finally decided to seek out some professional help.  Here is what I got when I called to make an appointment:

“Thud” “Thud” “Thud” “Thud”  That’s the sound of me banging my head against the wall.  Hey, I just figured out why they put people in rubber rooms… it’s to muffle that sound.   I guess I’ll try my call again later.  Why was I calling this number?  Oh well, never mind, I better go find something to put on the StalkerClan.
Clyde

Friday’s Fun Foto #10

The group of photos Luci discovered that included pictures of the Stalker’s first Florida vacation also included this slightly older shot…

Mom is pretty sure this photo was taken on Randy and Jeff’s wedding day.  They were married in Clintwood and Mom says she stopped by to visit Mrs. Stapleton while they were there.  Mrs. Stapleton had moved into a mobile home near one of her daughters in Clintwood after the highway department bought everyone out. 

Finally A Flower

Jennie had already given up on her Christ in the Manger plant for this year.  It hadn’t shown any sign of a bloom while Mom, Luci and Michelle’s plants were keeping them up nights with multiple blossoms.   I told her she wasn’t living right, she needed to do more good works and her efforts would be rewarded.  I suggested she start by treating me much better, feeding me better, giving me fewer chores to do,  and so on.  She didn’t think that was the problem.

As it turns out she was in Richmond doing a good deed, by staying with Emerson while Erik had his surgery, when Jeffery stopped by and discovered a single little bud, hidden from view, down near the bottom on the back side of the plant.   Jennie was delighted with the news but also worried that it would open while she was away.  Well, that bud hung on there until she returned home, and it finally opened up last Thursday night. 

Her plant only had the one flower but it was a big one!  

Naturally, all this just strengthens my belief in the connection between good deeds and blossoms.  If Jennie did more good deeds, fixing me pinto beans and corn bread for instance,  I am sure her plant would have more flowers.  Think about it, Mom and Lucille are always doing good deeds for family, friends and neighbors, and their Christ in the Manger plants are always loaded with flowers. 

Now I realize my theory can’t explain the blooms on Michelle’s plant, I suspect Oliver is fertilizing it or something.  Hey, maybe it’s responding to the good deeds that Jim does.  Yeah, that’s what it’s doing.

Clyde