Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Stalker Physics (Reprint)

(It may be due in part to my PseudoBulbar Affect (PBA) but this old story always leaves me laughing uncontrollably. - Clyde)

While Mom and Dad were visiting me a couple of weeks ago, Sherry called to say that her truck wouldn’t start. The battery was dead in my portable phone so Mom came to the phone to relay messages to Dad who was sacked out in the lounge chair. It went something like this:

Mom: Oot, Sherry’s truck won’t start.
Dad:   What’s wrong with it?
Mom: What’s wrong with it Sherry? She says it’s out of oil.
Dad:   Why does she think that?
Mom: Why do you think that Sherry? When she turns the key a light comes on that says Oil.
Dad:   #&*#& That light always comes on when you turn the key. What else is it doing?
Mom: What else is it doing Sherry? Another light comes on that says Seat Belt.
Dad:   #$**%# That always come on too. Is it rolling over?
Mom: Is it rolling over Sherry? She says 'No, it's still sitting on its tires.'
Dad:   #&@*# Is the motor rolling over?
Mom: Is the motor rolling over? She says she will have to raise the hood to see.
Dad:   God No!!! Is it trying to start?
Mom: Is it trying to start Sherry? She is turning the key just like she always does, maybe even harder.
Dad:   #&@*# Is the #&@*# truck trying to start?
Mom: (By now Sherry can hear Dad from across the room.) She says “How would she know if it's trying or not?”
Dad:   #&@*# Is it making a noise, a clicking sound?

This went on for quite a while. I left the room so I could roll in the floor without interrupting anything. But then I got to thinking about that old physics conundrum “What happens when an irresistible force comes in contact with an unmovable object?”

My curiosity got the best of me.

Would Dad (immovable object) get mad enough (irresistible force) to get out of the lounge chair to scream at Sherry on the phone?

Would Sherry (irresistible force) give up on getting the truck (immovable object) started so she could go to Rite Aide?

As unlikely as either possibility seemed, much to my amazement an even more unlikely scenario played out right in front of my eyes. Mom said “I guess you’ll just have to take the Camry. Be careful.” Is this a new and improved Stepford Grandma who will let her car leave home without her?

Posted by Luci



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