Friday's Fun Foto #18

A gaggle of Guinea Hens...

Posted by Clyde

Florida Birthdays

Well, it has been nine months since the last Columbus Day so it must be time for that bunch of Florida girls to have birthdays again.

Someday I am going to have to visit Florida during Columbus Day to see exactly how they celebrate down there.  On second thought, I probably don’t want to know.

Calendars for Christmas?

I'm still trying to decide what to give the girls for Christmas this year.  Luci suggested maybe a StalkerClan Calendar.  What do you think?

I'm just not sure I can stand to look at most of the StalkerClan photos for an entire month.

It's getting close to Christmas, I'm going to have to decide something soon.  I guess if I hadn't spent so much time trying to keep this picture on the front page of the StalkerClan, I could have done two or three StalkerClan books by now.  But in my defense, you don't get a photo like this every day.

Clyde

Christmas Indecision

I'm still trying to decide what I can give everyone for Christmas this year.  The Christmas Tree Ornaments I mentioned earlier would be nice but they would only be out for people to see for a short time each December. 

I'm thinking now about getting jigsaw puzzles made for everyone...

A jigsaw puzzle could be used year-round.  The little kids could play with it too.  Puzzles would be easier to ship and I wouldn't have to worry about breakage. 

I think I like the jigsaw puzzle idea best.   Should I order the 100 piece puzzle shown or would a 500 piece puzzle be more fun?  Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Clyde

I Can Feel the Love

I feel that I really owe it to myself to "out" some people who claim to care about me.  These people claim to be "family" but now I'm not so sure.  It was once my belief that family is supposed to be caring, comforting, and sympathetic in ones time of need.  I'm talking about a chipped tooth incident I recently experienced. 

I'm not going to get into nitty gritty details.  Come to think of it, I think I will be the bigger person, I'm not even going to give out names.  I am so considerate, unlike a certain mother and husband I know (No names.)  Anyway, at the time of the infamous veneer shattering moment, I remember being mortified and looking to a certain two people for comfort and assurance. Still keeping things completely anonymous, I'll just call them 'Heffery' and 'Mevon'.  To my shock, they were both laughing hysterically.  I thought Heffery was going to roll out of her chair. 

They only stopped laughing when I announced, with a slight lisp, that I would not be attending dinner at the Olive Garden with Mevon the next day for my birthday.  Even Heffery pleaded with me to go.  It was only after Mevon revealed his surprise birthday dinner plans that I realized why they both got so upset.  Now I know what you're  thinking, 'How sweet to plan a surprise birthday dinner.'  But hear me out.  We're talking about unlimited salad and breadsticks here.  I know what their real motive was.  In fact, I think they had every intention of going without me. 

If that weren't bad enough, I began to cry.  My only surprise party EVER and I wasn't going to go.  I thought hard on what I could do.  And that's when I decided to call a certain brother.  We'll just call him um.....'GatorFreak'.  Desperate for advice and knowing he had made my veneers, I frantically dialed his number.  But he was no comfort either.  He said I would have to wait for the dentist to fix it. 

Just before we got off the phone he said, "Oh, yeah!  I just thought of something you can do." I was ecstatic. "Go shirtless, and I promise no one will ever even notice your tooth!" 

I began to sob.  "I hate you, GatorFreak!"

Just then a certain cousin I will refer to as "Rustin" came in from hunting and noticed my tooth.  "Whoa!  Lloyd Christmas!  What happened to you?"  He then proceeded to say everything with a lisp for the rest of the night, while Mevon chased me around with his camera phone trying to take pictures.  How supportive! 

Aunt Bonnie did try to comfort me by telling me she couldn't even notice, but I had to explain to her that white lies only work when the person can't figure it out.  I had a mirror.  No go, Aunt Bonnie.  And Grandma said she was too blind to notice.  Thanks, I think. 

I came up with the theory that this was my party and I could cry if I wanted and I was going!  I got up the next morning feeling great.  I convinced myself that my tooth didn't look that bad after all.  I marched into my parents kitchen where (let's just call him) 'Bad' was reading his paper.  With a big smile on my face I sat down.  'Bad' smiled back then did a double take and said, "WOAH, sissy!  You really did chip your tooth.  Yikes!"  And to think this man would have you believe that he has 'Shallow Hal' syndrome.  I beg to differ. 

That's alright, I got them all back.  Anyone who claimed to love me had to wear Bubba Teeth at my party in the restaurant.

I must say a tooth for a tooth felt pretty darn good to me.

 

email from Amber

Another Guinea Girl Birthday

Each July it seems like there are more Guinea Girls in Florida that celebrate birthdays.  Today's birthday makes three Guinea Girls to celebrate in just four days... Danielle, Traci and now Lauren. 

Here are a few recent photos of the latest birthday girl...

CLICK on each photo to view full size.

 

Lauren recently sent me my new FAVORITE photo...

There's something very 'StalkerClan' about this picture.  Maybe it's because Jayden looks so happy.  Maybe it's that look on his face that says he knows he is safe because someone who loves him is there to look after him.  Maybe it's the funky hat.  Whatever it is, there's something very 'StalkerClan' about it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN

 

Comment Calculus

The number of comments to the stories on the StalkerClan have been down for some time now. That worries me. Is everyone losing interest? Have I made everyone mad? A year or two ago a good story could draw out 12 or 15 comments. Today's stories seldom get more than 2 or 3, if any. 

Is the StalkerClan just going to fade out altogether?  I better do some calculations and try to figure out how to fix this problem.  Let's look at recent stories to see what we can learn...

• The whole series of stories about Hillary and Obama and Grandma and the Democrat's Health Care Plan didn't do very well at all,   two comments on average.
  
  » Conculsion: Forget political stories, they don't work.
  


• The stories about Jim and Jeremey's birthdays appear to do better but, on closer examination, one comment was by me ( fussing about not getting any comments ) and another was from Lauren ( talking about her new baby ).  After adjustments, birthday stories average only three comments.
  
  » Conculsion: Cut back or eliminate birthday stories, they don't work either.
  


• The story about Lauren's new baby, little Jayden Michael (should have been Clyde) Scott, did really well.  Seven comments is the most in recent memory.
  
  » Conculsion: We need more Florida Baby stories.
  


• Cute kid stories have been a staple of the StalkerClan but this week's cute story and picture of Caitlyn Jean bombed.  Only one comment, and that was from Caitlyn's mother.
  
  » Conculsion: No more Cute Kid stories, they are bringing down our average.
  


• Surprisingly, the follow-up entry with pictures of little Jayden Michael (should have been Clyde) Scott didn't do any good, only two comments, both anonymous.
  
  » Conculsion: Maybe it's only Florida Birth Announcements that work.
  


• The story about Luci's Birthday Makeover did better than the other birthday stories, a quick five comments.
  
  » Conculsion: People like it when I pick on Luci.

Based on this analysis, the obvious course of action to maximize comment submissions and save the StalkerClan must include the following actions:

1. Picking on, embarassing, or torturing Luci more often, and
2. Frequent Florida Birth Announcements.

I'm willing to do my part.  Action No. 1 is no problem, I can crank out doctored-up photos of Luci all day long.  However, we need to count on the Florida Guinea Girls for Action No. 2.   As frequently as they have been cranking out babies it shouldn't be much of a problem.

• Traci, I've got you penciled in for a birth announcement next Tuesday.  If you could make it a little girl that looked just like Grandpa Stalker, I think that would be a real popular story.
  


• Crystal, I'm saving space next Saturday for a story about your new set of twins, little Monk-Monk and Bobo.
  


• Amber, get a plumber to work on Jevon ASAP.  Would he get upset if his next little girl looked just like your Uncle Clyde?
  


• Mindy, I'm thinking triplets for you.  How does a week from Friday sound?
  


• Lauren, you need to rebound quick.  I'll be expecting news from you in a couple of weeks.

We're counting on you girls!  The future of the StalkerClan is in your... uhhhhh, hands.

Jayden Photos

Lauren sent some photos of little Jayden for everyone to see. Click on the small images below to go to a full size view...

Looks like he enjoys sittin' around and lyin' around. I still think he could have been named Clyde.

Jayden Michael Scott

I know this is off topic but I would like to inform all of you that Jayden Michael Scott was born January 16th 2008 @ 3:10AM. He was 6 pounds 4 ounces and 18.5 inches long.  =)

Lauren

Hey Lauren, great to hear from you.  We've been waiting for photos of little Jayden, send us some more.  If anyone videotaped the delivery, email it to us, we can put it on YouTube.

I'm still disappointed that none of those little Florida baby boys have been named after me.  Jayden Clyde Scott sounds good to me.  Clyde Michael would be even better.  I would even be happy with Clyden Michael.   Oh well, maybe next time.  - Clyde

I Have Some Place To Be

Last Sunday was Lauren's baby shower. We were to all go to Newberry for the event. Crystal and Amber decided it would be nice to go early and have lunch with Aunt Nancy and Lauren before the shower stared. They went to one of Nancy's favorite restaurants, a place called Floyd's in High Springs. They were dressed really nice and ready for the shower later in the day.

They sat down in a booth. Crystal sat next to Nancy and Amber and Lauren sat across from them. They were having a great time telling stories. I do believe, if memory serves me, I was told that Amber told most of the tales. (I was told afterward by Aunt Nancy, "Oh the things I heard about you. I will never be able to look at you the same again!") Thanks Amber! You are on restrictions. AGAIN!

As the stories were really getting good and the laughter was really on a roll, Amber said she heard a crash and all of a sudden, in slow motion, she saw a large glob of something coming at her. She tried to duck to miss it but was unable to move fast enough. The large glob landed on her pretty top. The only one she had to wear to the shower. Oh, she was so upset!

Now while Amber was busy trying to get the glob off her shirt, Aunt Nancy, Crystal and Lauren were rolling in their seats, tears streaming from their eyes, all fingers pointing toward Amber. They all thought this was hysterical, especially Aunt Nancy. She kept saying, "HA! HA! HA!"

Then, all of a sudden, she realized that whatever happened, happened behind her and she turned to see what it could have been. She quickly turned her head. As she did the back of her head met Crystal's eyes. Crystal's eyes widened and she stopped breathing. The finger she had been pointing at Amber was now busy moving back and forth at the back of Aunt Nancy's head. Her head was covered with specks of tarter sauce. Suddenly, Aunt Nancy turned to see Crystal's finger pointing at her and she said in a frantic voice, "What? What? Is there something in my hair? Somebody tell me! What is in my hair?"

The girls were laughing so hard, they could not tell her!

Again she pleaded, "What is in my hair? DID SOME KID THROW UP IN MY HAIR?" Somebody tell me, do I have throw up in my hair?"

The other three were still unable to speak. The picture of their Aunt Nancy will globs of tarter sauce in her hair was just too much.

The waitress come over and apologized for the tarter sauce and asked if she could help.

Aunt Nancy told her in no uncertain terms, "NO! You can't help me! I HAVE SOMEPLACE TO BE!"

Now you would think that this one bad experience at one of your favorite restaurants would be enough, but no, not for Nancy. She had been unable to eat her sandwich, so she asked for a takeout box.

Waitress:	Well, we really don't have regular take out boxes anymore. We have Chinese boxes.
Nancy:	What is the difference?
Waitress:	One is a regular box and the other is Chinese.
Nancy:	What?
Waitress:	We don't use Styrofoam any more.
Nancy:	Well OK. Just bring me a box.

The waitress comes back with a small Chinese take out box, the kind you get Chinese takeout in. Nancy looks at this small box and looks at her sandwich. How was she going to make this work. Amber said she pushed and tugged at that sandwich and box for ten minutes trying to get it in that box. (If she had just thought to wipe a little of that tarter sauce off her hair and put it on the side of that sandwich, it would have just slid right in.)

Now for the rest of the day Nancy was to be haunted my the smell of her hair treatment. All afternoon if you listened closely you could hear a small voice whimpering in a crowd of women at the shower,

• "Do I smell like mayonnaise?"
• "I smell Mayonnaise!"
• "Does anyone else smell mayonnaise?"

I made the mistake of asking her if she gave the waitress a tip? (A little Michelle came out in me?) Such language! So the best I can translate is, "NO TIP FOR YOU MISSY! I HAVE SOME PLACE TO BE!"

email from Jeff

A few Shower Photos...