Shallow Randy

Randy and I have been married 31 years. Over the course of those 31 years Randy and I have come to know each other pretty well.  I can open my mouth and he just knows what's coming out before I can even get the second word out. This is a conversation Randy and I have had many many times over the past 30 years. Only this time it was in front of his sister Bonnie and he added a new twist to the conversation.  Picture Bonnie and me sitting in the Florida Room around the computer, reading the StalkerClan, when Randy enters the room. Me:   Randy, you have got to stop bringing all that junk home.  I am gaining too much weight, and it is very hard to resist all those sweets.  If you do bring them in, could you at least hide them or something.  I really need to lose some weight. Randy:   You have been blaming me for your weight for 31 years now.  I don't think I'm the problem.  And just so you know, and I've told you this every time you bring up your weight, I love you no matter what you look like.

Now mind you I have heard him say that many time. It's this next part that blew me away.  Talk about romance. My husband has a gift for saying just what a woman wants to hear.  Just not this woman. Randy: Bonnie, have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? Bonnie: No Randy, I don't think I have. Randy: Well, it's about this guy named Hal, and he is not exactly the best looking guy on the block and he wants a woman, but not just any woman.  He wants a beautiful woman.  This makes it really hard for him to get a date. Pretty women just don't like him.  So he meets a famous hypnotist and tells him his problem and the guy hypnotizes him and makes him think that every fat, ugly woman he sees is beautiful.  He sees them as very slender and very attractive.  That's me when I look at Jeff.  She  looks just like she did the day I married her...beautiful. Somehow this look into how Randy sees me just didn't go over too well.  Bonnie had a look of utter disbelief and shock at the same time.  Then she started laughing so hard I thought she was going to bust a gut.

All I could say at the moment was, "Well if that is the case, just call me Shallow Helen." I have really given this some thought.  If you  have seen the movie you know what Randy is talking about.  There is at least one scene that I have to wonder if it has ever happened at my house.   The scene where Hal picks up Gwyneth's undies and they are as big as the bed sheets and he wants to know, "Where did these come from?"  When Randy does our laundry, does he have the same question, "Where did these come from?" It must be true what they say about love.  It is blind, and for my sake, a little deaf sometimes.

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