Meaner Makes Halloween a Treat

My preschool class would like to thank Aunt Sherry for furnishing the pumpkin and ghost buckets and the crayons that went in them. 

They were a real hit for our class.

Michelle

The Scary Ghost

I remember back when Tracy and Crystal were in school,  Amber and Mindy Sue were still at home,  I would send Jeffery a big lot of coupons in all kinds of different shaped boxes.  I remember one time I wrote Jeffery a letter in one of them, telling her that I was going to send her girls a scary ghost.  Mother kept telling me that Jeffery would call her and tell her that her girls would come in from school wanting to know if they received the ghost I said I was going to send them.

I knew right away I had to do something fast. I sent Jeffery a box full of coupons and I wrote on the sides of it saying, "CAUTION, SCARY GHOST INSIDE."  I wrapped the package again so the mail carrier wouldn't get any ideas. When Jeffery received the package their surprise was... there wasn't no ghost inside.

The next package I sent Jeffery I put a Halloween card inside of it with a ghost on the front of it. I put some white lint inside of it that I got out of my dryer. I wrote inside of the card...

 Girls, your Aunt Meaner was going to be real mean to you all and send you all down there the scariest ghost you have ever seen. Well, on my way to the mailbox he emerged out of the box. I got into the biggest fight ever was with him. Each and every time I hit him my fist would always go through him. 

He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, "I don't believe I can make the trip." So he ripped off a strip of his hemline and handed it to me and said, "Here send them this and they will believe you when you tell them you tried to send them the rest."

Well, here girls is the piece of hemline the ghost gave me. I'm sorry he isn't down there giving you all a hard time like I wanted him to do. If you put it in water it might turn into a baby ghost.

Later, I was on the phone with Jeffery asking her did she receive the package. She said, "Yes, we did. They did everything to that hemline, trying to get it to turn into a baby ghost. They even put it in the commode trying to get it to turn into a baby ghost. "

I laughed about it. I thought this would be a good Halloween tale.

Sherry

My Dad the Rock Star

I was reading one of my celebrity magazines when Cason walked over and said, "Hey, that looks like Granddad!  Can you guess which one he was referring to? 

LOL
Crystal

Welcome Spickler Family

I was just thinking how blessed that Shawn and Jennifer were, their wedding was beautiful. I and several of the family have talked about how wonderful the church was and it was decorated so nice for fall. 

I really thought Mr. and Mrs. Spickler were so very nice and gracious.  They hugged me and welcomed me into the family as Shawn's Aunt Michelle with the wonderful strawberries that Shawn and Jennifer made into jam and gave to them.   Jennifer's brother and sister were so proud of Little Sis on her big day.  I also would like to thank them for welcoming Shawn into their family as a most wanted addition. 

 

I would love to get together with them ( Jennifer's family)  and go yard selling, or out to eat sometime.  Maybe, (hint, hint) Shawn and Jennifer, after they get settled, can have a cook out at their new place. 

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I was wondering if Shawn has realized that he has not taken Jennifer to Florida to meet his Aunt Jeff.  I know they met for a little while this summer during Strawberry Days but a good visit to Jeff's to relax on the dock and watch the sunset is a glorious and spiritual thing.   

 

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I hope that Shawn and Jennifer are enjoying their honeymoon to North Carolina and they come back ready to get to work on Sherry a grandbaby. I think she wants an announcement for Christmas!

email from Michelle

Wedding Description - Clyde's Version

Gosh, what a weekend!  Thank goodness it's finally over.  Jennie ran me all over central Kentucky and made me miss the Florida - Kentucky football game too.

We got an early start on the weekend by going to Mount Sterling on Friday evening.   I found out why the next morning.  Jennie needed ALL of Saturday morning to give Luci and Sherry their 'Extreme Makeovers' so they would be presentable at Shawn and Jennifer's wedding.

 

If you need a good fright for Halloween, Luci and Sherry, without makeup, at eight o'clock in the morning, are scarier than any pair of angry 250 pound linebackers.  

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Needless to say, I missed the entire pre-game show.  I did catch the kickoff as we drove over to pick up Bryan and Matt and make our way to the Wilmore Presbyterian Church.  Wilmore is a pretty little town, home to Asbury College and the Asbury Theological Seminary.  I wonder if the seminary has a football team?  The Asbury Alterboys, perhaps?   Maybe Kentucky should schedule them next year instead of the Florida Gators.

When we got to the church the Cats were already down 7 - 0.  There was a young fellow in the church playing some of that high fahlootin' fiddle music.  It was sad and kinda mournful music.  Strange how it seemed to set the mood for the football game. 

I recognized one song the fiddler played, it was 'Shenandoah.'  About the time that tune began, Bryan and Matt reported that Florida had blocked another Kentucky punt and had the ball on our one yard line.  Tears welled up in my eyes, I told everyone it was the music.

After that it was just sad song, Florida touchdown, sad song, Florida touchdown, over and over.  I think it was 35 - 3 at halftime when the wedding ceremony finally began.  

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I probably should have paid more attention to the ceremony but it was so hard to watch.  Shawn stood up there doing his best to keep his knees from knocking.  He looked to me like a lonely Kentucky punt returner, standing at his own five yard line, with eleven huge Florida tacklers bearing down on him.  And it was all playing out to the tune of 'Here Comes the Bride'.  It was a sad sight.  I had to close my eyes for just a second or two.

I felt Jennie nudge me with her elbow, a little harder than necessary I might add.  I opened my eyes to see Jennifer and Shawn kissing.  It must have been a really short ceremony!  But Jennifer and Shawn stood up there kissing for what seemed like a long, long time.  I thought they were going to separate once but they just locked lips again and kept going.  Cameras were clicking and Jennifer's Dad was kinda shuffling back and forth from one foot to the other.  It was about to get uncomfortable when they finally broke apart and came up for air. 

Some fellow said, "I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Shawn David Coffey," and it was over.  Shawn and Jennifer walked down the aisle toward the church entrance.  After they passed our pew I turned to Bryan and whispered, "What's the score?"  When I heard his answer I had to explain to a lady in the row behind us, "I always cry at weddings."

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Seeing all those pumpkins going to waste was sad too.  A lot of them were small, because of the drought this year I guess.  Even so, I just couldn't help but think of all the pumpkin pies they could have made... and pumpkin roll, too... and pumpkin bread.  I had to wipe my eyes again.

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But I know, the saddest thing I saw during the whole shindig was poor Shawn having to do the 'New Husband Dance'.  The best I can figure, it must be a new wedding ritual.  I have never seen the dance before, but every husband knows the feeling.  The groom has to do this dance.  It requires that he follow all the orders he is given.  Meanwhile the bride dances around doing whatever she likes and all her young,  attractive, single female friends surround the groom to see if he can be distracted.  It's some sort of training for married life, I am sure of it. 

The fellow singing the song will say something like, "Right foot out, left foot out, Cha-cha, Jump three times."  This goes on and on for twenty or thirty minutes.  But every verse, the directions change, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.  Just like in marriage, the poor husband doesn't know what to expect,  all he can do is follow orders, and dance.

I caught a little of it on video but I must warn you, the only thing sadder that I have seen is the tape delay broadcast of the Florida - Kentucky game and that ended 63 - 5. 

Kentucky had the 5.

 

Clyde

Thespian in the Family

I was really proud of Justin in his class play.  He was the big state delegate from Virginia in a play about how they wrote the US Constitution.

It was a wonderful play and his mother was proud.

Michelle

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UPDATE

Lucille commented that Justin didn't look too happy.  I can't believe she doesn't recognize a good James Dean 'Rebel Without a Cause' impression when she sees one.  Don't pay any attention to her Justin, she doesn't know anything about acting.

Keep up the good work Justin.  -  Uncle Clyde

Wedding Description - Luci's Version

The wedding was just perfect. The decorations were natural looking. Not overdone.   The ceremony was sincere - real - not just a script.

Jennifer's dress was beautifully simple and suited her.

 

And of course the Mother of the Groom looked especially sharp.

The food was really good - (Everyone said it was the best wedding cake ever.)

The guys looked great in their tuxes.

Of course the best part was the smiles on Jennifer and Shawn's faces. They both looked so happy.

It was absolutely the nicest wedding I have ever attended.

Luci

Wedding Conversations

I have to say I was really taken with the wedding, I thought it was a beautiful FALL theme wedding and the decorations were beautiful.

Before the wedding Jim and I were in the reception hall talking and the conversation when like this:

Me:  This is so nice, the pumpkins as centerpieces on the table, and the little sprinkling of silk fall leaves are just beautiful.
Jim:  This is, it is a really nice Fall theme, everything looks so nice.
Me:  I wonder if they got those pumpkins from Ted's pumpkin patch, I know he has a lot this year.
Jim: Oh no, they've had a professional decorator come in here and do all the flowers and the arrangements,
Me:  Yes, I'm sure you're right.

Later on in the reception Luci and I had a conversation and it went like this:

Me:  This is so nice, the decorations and the fall theme of the pumpkins and the gourds in the windows.
Luci:  Yes, it is  very nice, they have been working on it for a while, I would say it has been a couple of weeks ago that they came out to the farm and loaded up Jennifer's truck with pumpkins and gourds from Ted's pumpkin patch.
Me:  Oh, you mean that they did the decorations from the farm.
Luci:  Oh yes, they came out and got all the pumpkin centerpieces and the little gourds in the windows.
Me:  I am blown away.  I was like Jim, I was sure they had a professional do it.
Luci:  No,  just Uncle Ted.
Me:  Yep, Uncle Ted to the rescue.  Now he can be called the wedding decorator.  He needs a sign that says 'Wedding Decorations by Uncle Ted'.

email from Michelle

School Nicknames

First, I have to preface this story by saying that, when he was smaller, Cason had quite a few ear infections and I think his hearing suffered a bit. He had difficulty saying certain names of kids at school. He called (and still calls out of habit) Julien by the name of "Tutalah" and Satvek is "Seget".

As we were leaving school the other day, I heard a kid yell, "Bye, Cason!". I said "Cason, who was that?"

He said "Tutalah". But then, he looked a little embarrassed and said "I mean, Julien".

I said, "Cason, it's OK to have nicknames for people. It's a really nice thing. Do you have a nickname?"

Cason paused and got kind of a stern look on his face. He said "Yeah, Cristos calls me a little baby!" Although this wasn't quite what I was referring to, I made out like it was the coolest nickname ever.

email from Crystal

I Can Feel the Love

I feel that I really owe it to myself to "out" some people who claim to care about me.  These people claim to be "family" but now I'm not so sure.  It was once my belief that family is supposed to be caring, comforting, and sympathetic in ones time of need.  I'm talking about a chipped tooth incident I recently experienced. 

I'm not going to get into nitty gritty details.  Come to think of it, I think I will be the bigger person, I'm not even going to give out names.  I am so considerate, unlike a certain mother and husband I know (No names.)  Anyway, at the time of the infamous veneer shattering moment, I remember being mortified and looking to a certain two people for comfort and assurance. Still keeping things completely anonymous, I'll just call them 'Heffery' and 'Mevon'.  To my shock, they were both laughing hysterically.  I thought Heffery was going to roll out of her chair. 

They only stopped laughing when I announced, with a slight lisp, that I would not be attending dinner at the Olive Garden with Mevon the next day for my birthday.  Even Heffery pleaded with me to go.  It was only after Mevon revealed his surprise birthday dinner plans that I realized why they both got so upset.  Now I know what you're  thinking, 'How sweet to plan a surprise birthday dinner.'  But hear me out.  We're talking about unlimited salad and breadsticks here.  I know what their real motive was.  In fact, I think they had every intention of going without me. 

If that weren't bad enough, I began to cry.  My only surprise party EVER and I wasn't going to go.  I thought hard on what I could do.  And that's when I decided to call a certain brother.  We'll just call him um.....'GatorFreak'.  Desperate for advice and knowing he had made my veneers, I frantically dialed his number.  But he was no comfort either.  He said I would have to wait for the dentist to fix it. 

Just before we got off the phone he said, "Oh, yeah!  I just thought of something you can do." I was ecstatic. "Go shirtless, and I promise no one will ever even notice your tooth!" 

I began to sob.  "I hate you, GatorFreak!"

Just then a certain cousin I will refer to as "Rustin" came in from hunting and noticed my tooth.  "Whoa!  Lloyd Christmas!  What happened to you?"  He then proceeded to say everything with a lisp for the rest of the night, while Mevon chased me around with his camera phone trying to take pictures.  How supportive! 

Aunt Bonnie did try to comfort me by telling me she couldn't even notice, but I had to explain to her that white lies only work when the person can't figure it out.  I had a mirror.  No go, Aunt Bonnie.  And Grandma said she was too blind to notice.  Thanks, I think. 

I came up with the theory that this was my party and I could cry if I wanted and I was going!  I got up the next morning feeling great.  I convinced myself that my tooth didn't look that bad after all.  I marched into my parents kitchen where (let's just call him) 'Bad' was reading his paper.  With a big smile on my face I sat down.  'Bad' smiled back then did a double take and said, "WOAH, sissy!  You really did chip your tooth.  Yikes!"  And to think this man would have you believe that he has 'Shallow Hal' syndrome.  I beg to differ. 

That's alright, I got them all back.  Anyone who claimed to love me had to wear Bubba Teeth at my party in the restaurant.

I must say a tooth for a tooth felt pretty darn good to me.

 

email from Amber

Wedding Day Videos

Today is the big day, assuming Jennifer hasn't changed her mind. 

For those of you who can't be with us at the wedding, here are a few videos to give you an idea of what we expect.  Let each video finish before starting the next...

1.  Family and friends are always good for a few smiles.

 

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2.  The Hallelujah Chorus seems so appropriate as wedding music.

 

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3.  I bet Shawn and Jennifer's first dance will be memorable.

 

We will try to post some photos from the real thing when we get a chance.  Sorry you couldn't be here.

Clyde

Wedding Wilkfest

I have spent the last week meditating and doing deep breathing exercises to calm my nerves and lower my blood pressure. I am determined that I will stay calm through the wedding preparations. Sherry arrives at my house 5:00 PM Wednesday.

She tries on clothes from my closet to see if we can avoid a shopping trip – no success.

I had asked her to borrow several pair of dress shoes from Mom. Mom told me she had nice ones in black and navy. I get them out and find what appear to be 2 pairs of 20 year old clogs in white and tan, and a pair of dark brown flats – OK - dark brown it is.

She spends the rest of the evening eating, playing on my computer, and lounging in my spot on the couch. I go to bed at 9:00 thinking all is well.

I get up as usual at 3:00 am, wide awake and in a Predisone frenzy. To keep from waking everyone up, I spend a hour or so carrying water from my bath to water my garden, bucket in one hand, flashlight in the other. I decide to start on laundry. When I get to the guys bathroom to get theirs, it looks like a Taco Bell exploded in there. Vomit is running down the walls and pooling in the floor. I look for a body but don’t find one. I have no idea who is sick. I go to bedroom doors and listen for moaning but nothing. It hits me that the person who spent the evening eating everything in site was the likely culprit. I knock on Sherry’s door and ask if she’s sick. She said “I was, but I’m better now.”

Calm down. Assess the situation.

You have no immunity. All your clothes, all modes of communication - phone, computer, have been contaminated. All out panic attack!!!!

Sit down – No!!!! Don’t sit down !!!!!!.

Get the disinfectant wipes and clean the phone, computer and door knobs.

All the wipes are in the vomit.

About this time Sherry yells, “I tried to clean up but you ran out of wipes.”

I get out my gloves and masks. Now I am standing there hyperventilating into a mask. I guess it worked like a paper bag. At least I calmed down.

I get the bathroom cleaned up, the garbage taken out, and everything sprayed down with Lysol.

Sherry finally gets up and I discover that she has piled every quilt, blanket, and throw she could find on her bed along with the soiled sheets and pajamas. They all have to be washed and disinfected.

In my mind I am computing incubation periods for viruses. I expect that it will be hitting me tonight or tomorrow. Sherry is feeling better. We have to go shopping now.

I try not to think about Shawn and Jennifer getting it for the wedding and honeymoon. (The Ultimate Wedding Wilking.)

We found Sherry an outfit – dark brown. She looks really good in it.

After receiving assurances that the house had been thoroughly disinfected, Chris came out to try on his tux. It fits great. He looks fantastic. We are on schedule - All is well with the world again.

Then Shawn informs Chris that he has to dance at the reception – Suddenly he doesn’t look so good – The virus doesn’t sound so bad anymore – Maybe it will rescue him - GRAB A GARBAGE CAN.

Maybe the wedding invitation should have said 'B Y O B'. - Bring Your Own Bucket.

email from Luci

Tuxedo Chris

Michelle left this comment on a recent story:

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I asked Chris if he was ready for the wedding and he said, "Sure."

I asked him what color he was wearing and he said, "I told Shawn I don't care what color it is, as long as it is Black."

I don't think Chris cares much for the new tux colors. - Michelle

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I hope the tux rental place doesn't mess up and Chris ends up having to wear something like this...

He does look good in lavender though.

Clyde

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
CHRIS !

Sweet Legacy

I have always heard people tell stories about their parents and grandparents, stories that teach a lesson in moral or ethical behavior.  Lately I have heard a few stories that make me cringe to think about what stories will be told about us when we are gone. Crystal started a new job on Monday.  She is now getting to know a new group of people and sharing her family stories with them. Here is a conversation she had with one of her new co-workers: Crystal is speaking to a gentleman she feels is a lot like her dad.  I will use a  different  name for now. Crystal:    Tim, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you are a lot like my Dad.  Not that you are old or anything like that.  Just the way you do things reminds me of him.  He loves sweets and you seem to be right up to his level.  But I need to ask you a few questions to be sure you are on the same level with him.  First , do you know what a circus peanut is? Tim: Yes I do, but I can only eat one or two of them. They are really sweet.

Crystal: Well. you are lacking in that area.  Do you know what candy corn is? Tim:    Oh yes!  I love them! But I can only eat a few of them at a time.  They are really, really sweet. Crystal: Well, Tim you may be able to keep your colon.  You are not anywhere near the sweet-a-holic my Dad is.  You just don't measure up the way I thought you would. My Dad has a bowl, a very large bowl.  It is his own special bowl.  He is the only one who is allowed to use this really big bowl.  Mom broke one of his bowls years ago and went out ASAP and replaced it before it was even known that it had been broken.  This bowl is to be used by no one but my Dad.  You have heard of unspoken rules.  This rule was a much spoken rule.  "Who used my bowl?"   "Who did the dishes and put my bowl away? I can't find it anywhere!" "Did you girls use my bowl to feed the cat?"  These questions would be asked each and every time our Dad could not find his bowl.  We learned to make sure his bowl was always in it's proper place in the cabinets.

When our Dad fixed himself a bowl of cereal, it was unlike any bowl of cereal we, or any of our friends that might me staying over night, had ever seen.  He would get out every box of cereal we had in the pantry.  This might be six or seven different types.  Cheerios, Special K, Raisin Bran, Honey Bunches of Oats, and several others.  He would pour some of each box into this bowl.  Then top it off with a banana and, if we had them, nuts.  He would go around to each of us trying to get us to try some of this great mixture of his.  He was in cereal heaven.   Tim, Have you ever seen the movie ,Elf?  Tim:   Yes. Crystal:  Do you remember the scene where he has the large bowl of spaghetti? Tim: Oh, Yeah! Crystal : Picture that bowl, but instead of spaghetti, picture ice cream. Now put two chocolate pop tarts in the toaster and when they are done, crumble them up and put them on the ice cream.  Once you have the hot Pop Tarts on the ice cream get out the whip cream, chocolate syrup and nuts and put those on top.  This is what my Dad does just about every night before bed.  Now, when you can measure up to that, let me know. Tim:   Pop Tarts?  That sounds interesting!  I think I might try that tonight.

Crystal said that several times throughout the day, Tim would repeat the same statement, "Pop Tarts?  I am going to try that out!" Now I have to wonder just what kind of effect we are having on the general population.  If this goes the way I think it will, I need to buy stock in Pop Tarts. After hearing this story, Randy had to make a correction he felt was misleading to Tim.  You must use S'mores Pop Tarts.  They are much better than regular Pop Tarts . email from Jeff

 

 

 

The Compound at Wades Mill

Conversations with Shawn and Jennifer

I called my once a month call to Shawn to see how they were doing, what was going on, and if they were nervous about the upcoming wedding. I talked to Shawn and he told me they had rented a nice home in Lexington and were moving stuff in and trying to get it ready to move into. He said Jennifer was living there, now that they had it pretty well ready to go. They both were really tickled. I talked to Shawn about 15 minutes and then I asked to talk to Jennifer. The conversation went like this:

Me: How are you Jenn, are you getting nervous?

Jenn: No, I just wish it were October 26th. (laughing)

Me: How to do you like the new home?

Jenn: Love it!

Me: Well, you need to have a place to live and get your breath before you start working on a new house.

Jenn: Yes, we are still working on what we want to do on Wades Mill.

Me: Well, enjoy this year before your mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law move in with you. (laughing)

Jenn: Well, Shawn has promised me a stress free first year of marriage before moving me into the compound at Wades Mill. (laughing)

Jenn and I had a good laugh. But I have to say, I had this visual of a cult out there in Wades Mill, with a big house in the middle and all these little houses and trailers surrounding it. LOL.

I can see a little house for Sherry, a trailer for Carlos, a house for Mom and Dad, a little house for Luci and a big Garage for Chris to live in, with an apartment on top! I can see a small trailer for Ted, Sugar and Bert, and Shawn and Jennifer could live in the big house in the middle of the compound. I am sure Shawn will want to put razor wire around the top of the fence that surrounds the compound.

Hey, me and Jim may move into the compound when we retire. Hey Clyde, do you and Jennie want a spot for a small house or trailer?

email from Michelle

Winning Streak

Jennie and I had dinner with our boys this past Sunday in Lexington.  Bryan, Matt and Sarah, Erik, Veronica and Emerson all joined us at Chicago Style Pizza for a late lunch.

Naturally, with the boys there, the conversation kept coming back to the UK Wildcats and their football game Saturday night.  It had been a real come-from-behind thriller.  Kentucky had played miserably for 55 minutes, turning the ball over deep in their own territory three times.  The defense that had been so stingy in earlier games had given up 20 points.  The offense that had been so ineffective all year was continuing that trend.

With just over four minutes left in the game the Arkansas Razorbacks were leading by a score of 20 - 7.   Their coach, the much despised former University of Louisville coach Bobby Petrino, was working his ball control game, running out the clock.  Many of UK's less faithful fans had given up hope and headed for the parking lot.  The stands were half empty.   It was another low point in the history of Commonwealth Stadium, a history full of heartache.  The last minute Florida Gator touchdown pass to steal a Wildcat win and the LSU 'Bluegrass Miracle' still echo within its walls.

It was at this moment of deep depression that true blue fan Bryan turned to Erik in the seat beside him and said, "D@#^, I'd do anything if the Cats would pull this one out."

Erik considered this for a second and said, "Would you streak the field?"

"Yes, I would," Bryan replied.

About this time the UK quarterback completed a long pass that went for a touchdown.  Less than two minutes later he launched another ball downfield for another touchdown.  The Wildcats took the lead and held on for a 21 - 20 win.

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Now both Bryan and Erik deny that Bryan carried through on his streaking pledge.   I'm not sure  whether to believe them or not.  I found this photo today.   It appears there may have been  a streaker and he looks kinda familiar...

 

Whoever he was, as cold as it got Saturday night, I bet he was soon a true blue fan in more ways than one.

Clyde

Guinea Genetics

Luci made this request:

I can't believe how much Cason looks like Crystal in this photo. That is the exact expression that got her and Tracy the nickname "Guinea Girls." Is there any way we can get this picture next to the one of Crystal holding the frog? That is one of my all-time favorite photos.

Shallow Randy

Randy and I have been married 31 years. Over the course of those 31 years Randy and I have come to know each other pretty well.  I can open my mouth and he just knows what's coming out before I can even get the second word out. This is a conversation Randy and I have had many many times over the past 30 years. Only this time it was in front of his sister Bonnie and he added a new twist to the conversation.  Picture Bonnie and me sitting in the Florida Room around the computer, reading the StalkerClan, when Randy enters the room. Me:   Randy, you have got to stop bringing all that junk home.  I am gaining too much weight, and it is very hard to resist all those sweets.  If you do bring them in, could you at least hide them or something.  I really need to lose some weight. Randy:   You have been blaming me for your weight for 31 years now.  I don't think I'm the problem.  And just so you know, and I've told you this every time you bring up your weight, I love you no matter what you look like.

Now mind you I have heard him say that many time. It's this next part that blew me away.  Talk about romance. My husband has a gift for saying just what a woman wants to hear.  Just not this woman. Randy: Bonnie, have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? Bonnie: No Randy, I don't think I have. Randy: Well, it's about this guy named Hal, and he is not exactly the best looking guy on the block and he wants a woman, but not just any woman.  He wants a beautiful woman.  This makes it really hard for him to get a date. Pretty women just don't like him.  So he meets a famous hypnotist and tells him his problem and the guy hypnotizes him and makes him think that every fat, ugly woman he sees is beautiful.  He sees them as very slender and very attractive.  That's me when I look at Jeff.  She  looks just like she did the day I married her...beautiful. Somehow this look into how Randy sees me just didn't go over too well.  Bonnie had a look of utter disbelief and shock at the same time.  Then she started laughing so hard I thought she was going to bust a gut.

All I could say at the moment was, "Well if that is the case, just call me Shallow Helen." I have really given this some thought.  If you  have seen the movie you know what Randy is talking about.  There is at least one scene that I have to wonder if it has ever happened at my house.   The scene where Hal picks up Gwyneth's undies and they are as big as the bed sheets and he wants to know, "Where did these come from?"  When Randy does our laundry, does he have the same question, "Where did these come from?" It must be true what they say about love.  It is blind, and for my sake, a little deaf sometimes.

email from Jeff

Bryan's Trophy

When Jeff and Randy visited recently, they delivered the fish that Bryan caught at Lake Hewitt. The taxidermy shop did a great job with it.

It's hard to get a photo that conveys just how big it is. Here it is propped up in the recliner in our living room. To give you some idea of its size, my big bottom fits comfortably in that chair. Technically, it measured out at 27 inches long and weighed 9 pounds 4 ounces.

Clyde

The Acid Test

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Jennifer Spickler
Lexington, KY

 

Dear Jennifer,

Only a few days remain until the big Wedding in Wilmore. As far as I know, you still haven't changed your mind. I can't help but suggest this one last thing for you to consider, an Acid Test so to speak.

I don't know you well, but I'm sure you aren't rushing into this marriage without giving it a lot of serious thought. I understand you and Shawn have gone though Pre-Nuptial Counseling.

• I imagine by now you have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about Compatibility Issues regarding your personalities, spirituality, temperaments, goals and a host of other considerations.
• I'm sure you and Shawn are already working out how Conflict Resolution is going to be handled in your union. With the In-Laws you are getting there could be a lot of conflict that needs resolving.
• I would wager the impact of marriage on your Career has been weighed, both positive and negative. Can you wait on Shawn the way Luci has and maintain your career too?
• I know you and Shawn have discussed the Financial Considerations. Two people cannot live as cheaply as one, unless the one spends money like she was a millionaire.

All of these are important things to consider but the Acid Test that I think needs to be passed falls under the category of Family Planning. I'm sure the counselor has led you and Shawn in discussions of "How many?', and "How soon?", and "Daycare or Homecare?" But I doubt the counselor knows Shawn well enough, or has know him long enough, to fully understand the most important consideration. I'm not sure you do either.

When it comes to the idea of Shawn marrying, and having children, there is one word that sends shivers up the spine of every member of the StalkerClan. One word we all fear. One word none of us will speak aloud.

That one word is....

TWINS

Multiple sets of TWINS

If you had known Shawn when he was this age you would understand our trepidation. I hope GrandPa Stalker doesn't see this picture, it could send him back into shock.

Shawn was the poster boy for hyper-activity. If you've ever seen a bottle of Ritalin, that's his silhouette on the logo. He will tell you he has five mothers. He might not tell you that it took all five of them to keep up with him.

If you can look at this picture and still want to go ahead with the wedding, you have our best wishes. If this Acid Test is just too much, we can understand that too. Whatever you decide, our prayers are with you.

The StalkerClan

Butt Pincher

Yesterday, Cason & I went to Ross so that I could replace a broken purse. As I was in line paying, Cason was sulking on the floor next to me with his head down because I wouldn't buy him a toy. A woman walked by us both, and I heard a surprised, but kind of quiet, "Yelp!" and turned around to see her looking at Cason and kind of smiling strangely as she walked by. I didn't think much of it, but as we were walking out, the dialogue went something like this:

Cason: "That was Crazy."

Me: "What was crazy?"

Cason: "I thought that lady was you."

Me: "Oh, did you say something to her?"

Cason: "No. I touched her."

Me: "What? Like on the leg?"

Cason: "No, I pinched her butt."

Needless to say, I think Cason has been spending too much time out with Jesse. LOL

email from Crystal

How to Leave a Comment

Jeffery suggested recently that we might get more comments if I published instructions on how to leave a comment on the StalkerClan.  Leaving a comment is incredibly easy.   You will always find a "COMMENTS" link at the end of each post, like this:

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 2008 How to Leave a Comment   blah, blah, blah, ...   1 COMMENTS    <--- Click on the word COMMENTS LABELS: STALKER, RATLIFF

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When you click the COMMENTS link, you will go to the Comment Posting Page.  Here is a sample.  I've added INSTRUCTIONS for posting a comment...

 

It's really not nearly as complicated as this makes it look. 

You can post as 'Anonymous" if you want, Luci does when she is trying to stir up trouble.   But if you use the Name/URL block to let us know who you are, we would appreciate it. 

Hey, Jeffery figured it out, how difficult can it be? 

Friday's Fun Foto #1

I have collected several old photographs that need to be shared with the StalkerClan.  I plan to post one each Friday until I have gone through them all.  This is the first.

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I don't recall the occasion, possibly a Fathers Day, but Dad received a really nice T-Shirt.  It had a photo of Ted with 'NO. 1 SON-IN-LAW" printed underneath.  This is how he decided to wear it...

 

 

Photo from Lucille's Collection

Good Fishing Spot

During Jeff and Randy's visit to Kentucky a few weeks ago, some of us took a trip to Mount Sterling to visit Luci. Dad wanted to get some fishing done at the pond on Ted's farm so Randy and I joined him. Bryan came over from Lexington and went with us.

When we got to the big pond we spread out around it. Dad and I stayed on the side near the vehicle. Randy and Bryan made their way around the pond across from us. Dad saw Bryan working his way up the opposite bank and yelled at him, "Go down that cow path right there. See that big stump down there in the water. That's a good fishing spot, probably the best in this whole pond."

Bryan starts down the cow path and pretty soon he is fighting weeds and briars. He is wearing shorts and complains that the briars are eating him up.

"Them briars don't bother the cows none," Dad tells him. I don't think that made Bryan feel any better. "Keep going, that's where the big ones will be, down there near that stump."

Watching this, I couldn't help but laugh. The whole time he was directing Bryan through the briar patch, Dad was sitting comfortably, leaned back in a plastic lawn chair, casting his line in the water.

He wasn't telling Bryan wrong however. By casting along the bank there near that big stump, Bryan caught more fish, and bigger fish, than the rest of us that day. It was a good fishing spot.

Clyde

A Sincere Thanks

Luci and I have had conversations before about, "How do you give to people that really don't need anything you have to give?".  Being the youngest in the family I have this feeling quite a bit.  We were having this conversation and she said, " Well, I have often heard that if you have nothing more to give than a sincere, from the heart, word of thanks, it is the best gift to give."  So here is my best attempt to thank the people who have helped me  and my family this weekend:

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I would like to thank Mom and Dad for staying healthy and strong to give me and my family the chance to know them.  As my boys grow bigger I hope they have good stories to tell and good memories about their Mamaw and Papaw Hambone.
	I would also, like to thank Meaner for supplying me a look back at my past.  When she says I was spoiled and that no one could stand me, I try to think... BOY... I WAS REALLY LOVED!
I would like to thank Carlos, for doing all the little things around the house that he never gets credit for.  He is constantly on the move for whatever Mom and Dad need.  Keeping the house running as good as it does is a major credit to Carlos' efforts.
	I would also like to thank Jennie and Clyde, for never complaining when I call for a room for the night.  Jennie goes out of her way to make us feel welcome. She keeps all the balls up in the air so effortlessly,  I am amazed.  She keeps 3 men in check, runs a house, keeps a full time job and then can go when a friend calls for a trip.  I would like to thank Clyde for keeping an eye on the little Road Creek family.  I doubt if any of us would really know the hours and energy this job requires.

 

Me and My family really appreciated our wonderful visit with our family.  May God bless you all.

Posted by Michelle

Advertising Photographer

I've mentioned before how impressed I've been with some of the photographs that Amber has taken.  Looking through her photos again recently, I noticed several that would make good advertising shots.  Here are links to five of her photos that could easily be turned into magazine ads.  Click on the links, check out the ads and let me know what you think...

• The Florida Tourism Folks
  
  
• Coppertone Suntan Lotion
  
  
• Child Safety Seats
  
  
• LifeSavers Gummies Candy
  
  
• SeaWorld Orlando
  

I really think with a little training and a lotta luck she could make it in the advertising business.

Clyde

Schedule Change?

This news flash just came across Kentucky.com...

UK-Florida to start at 12:30 PM Herald-Leader staff report Kentucky's football game at Florida on Saturday, Oct. 25, will start at 12:30 pm and will be televised by Raycom Sports, the network of the Southeastern Conference.

 

The game had been scheduled to start at 2:30 pm, the same time as the wedding. This change presents a real opportunity. With just a little tweaking of the wedding schedule a lot of true blue fans could be accommodated.

I'm thinking we should be able to squeeze the wedding in during halftime of the football game.  Here's what I'm suggesting...

• First we need to do away with all that ushering stuff.  Give everybody tickets like at the game and let everyone shove and fight and push to make their way to their seats.

• When the whistle blows to signal the end of the first half of the football game, the organist could start playing "Here Comes the Bride".
  
• The preacher should wear a striped shirt.  He and Shawn and Jennifer could huddle up at the front of the church.
  
• The preacher could call the play, "Shawn, do you take Jennifer to be your soul mate and quarterback for as long as you shall live?" "Yes."  "Jennifer, do you take Shawn to be your soul mate and middle linebacker until that final whistle blows?"  "Is it too late to change my mind?  Well, yes then."
  
• They could break the huddle and line up facing the crowd.  The preacher could hit the switch on his belt to key his microphone  and announce, "I now pronounce you husband and wife.  Play Ball!"
  
• The crowd would all yell, "TOUCHDOWN" and we could run out to watch the second half of the game.

I think we can pull this off.  Is everybody with me?

Clyde

Sorry Dude

 Amber called me and told me this story about Caleb and Eli.  I almost cried and laughed at the same time.

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Caleb and Eli are in the same room.  Because the are both Austin's little brothers they share a common bond and have become best friends. 

This has caused many problems for them at school.  They love to wrestle and talk to each other every chance they get. They try to sit next to each other each day at lunch time.  Caleb was telling Amber how he always shares his food with Eli.  Amber will sometimes send extra money to school with Caleb so he can buy himself an ice cream at lunch time.  He was sharing his ice cream with Eli because Eli never had money for ice cream.

When Amber heard about the 'sharing of food', her motherly side kicked in and she gave Caleb the 'never eat after anyone' talk and stressed it to the limits.  He had better not be eating after anyone. That is how you get germs and get sick.

Caleb took all of this in and when lunch time came, he purchased his ice cream and sat down next to Eli. As soon as he announced to Eli that he could no longer share with him, Eli started crying. Caleb was very upset.  His heart was broken because he could not share with his best friend.

That evening when he told his mother what had happened she felt terrible. She told him not to worry. From now on if she sent money for Caleb an ice cream, she would also send some for Eli one too.  This made Caleb happy.  He asked his mom if he could call Eli.

Caleb:   Hey Dude. It's me, Caleb. I just wanted to tell that you can't cry at school anymore.  Dude, you almost made me cry, and that would not be cool for me to cry at school.  So Dude, don't worry about it. My mom is going to send money so you can have an ice cream too.  Okay Dude?  Are we cool now Dude?  No more crying at school Dude.  Okay Dude, I'll see you tomorrow Dude.

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This has to be one of the most touching stories I have ever heard.  That Caleb has a huge heart in him!  He not only obeyed his Mom, he had such compassion for his best friend. 

He is a really good kid.  Grandmother is very proud of him.

Posted by Jeff